Out of the Fade and Into Your Heart
by Kristanci
Summary: Hawke finds herself falling harder for Fenris, the mysterious and enigmatic elf. She willingly fights with all her strength and heart for his freedom. Their complex relationship evolves for the worst and then for the better. FHawke x Fenris
1. Battles of the Fade

**Hi guys, **

**Just my take on the quest Night Terrors. There was so much to do with that particular plot line that I could not let it go. And my mind would not let me rest until I got it out on paper. I hope you guys enjoy it and thanks for reading. I think it's pretty obvious that I do not own anything that Bioware does, well except for the games, but you know what I mean. Enjoy!**

Hawke stumbled forwarded but caught her footing before she could potentially fall to her knees. The world she had entered was disorienting and surreal; everything she looked upon in the Fade was unclear and blurry. She reached out and waved, but the fog that permeated Feynriel's mind was unwavering. It seemed she, Anders, Fenris, and Merill were trapped inside the bleak and desolate world for now. Were they in perhaps a castle or fortress? It was void of color and life, and it was very cold.

She took another moment to observe the hallway they had "awoken" in, then she turned to her companions. "Well, not exactly my choice location for a honeymoon. Is everyone all-" she closed her mouth as he eyes set on Anders. His eyes were glowing blue just as they had in the Chantry the night they attempted to save Karl..

"It has been a long time. I had not thought to return in such a way," said Justice. The voice was rough and stoic, a tone completely unfitting of the man Hawke knew and befriended.

"Justice," she greeted with little emotion as possible.

"And you are Serah Hawke," Justice turned Anders' cold eyes on her. She wasn't sure if he was expecting another reply from her, but she wasn't going to feel horrible to disappoint him if he was. She said nothing. "Come," he said shortly, breaking the silence. "Feynriel's mind is straining, and we have little time." Justice cautiously led them down the hallway.

Hawke watched as Justice maneuvered Anders' body. It was unnatural to watch him move in such a way. He kept a low stance, and his guard was up, prepared for an ambush.

"You're quite a woman, Hawke," Fenris said, keeping his sword at the ready.

"A compliment?" Hawke gasped dramatically. "And how have I managed such an achievement?" Funny how she was able to keep her sarcasm, but it wasn't until she saw Fenris arm himself that she thought to do the same. Her mind was already faltering. The Fade was more dangerous than she anticipated.

"I'm stuck in a realm of dreams and magic and I'm accompanied by two mages, one a possessed fool and the other a blood mage at that," Fenris stated, clearly unhappy that he was here.

Merrill frowned at Fenris. "I'll have you know that I know what I'm doing."

"You offered, Fenris," Hawke responded quickly. They couldn't afford to bicker amongst each other.

"Yes, I did," he said. "I would not put myself in such a position for just anyone."

Hawke glanced at Fenris, thankful he was keeping his eyes forward. Her cheeks flushed slightly. It was not the first time he admitted that he thought highly of her. The others may have missed the confession, but she knew that Fenris had been dropping his guard around her recently. It was truly amazing what a few bottles of wine could do.

"I am grateful," Hawke admitted.

When they reached the end of the hallway, Justice was the first to approach and open the door. "There is another here," he warned.

Hawke was reminded of the Viscount's Keep. It appeared that they had entered the main hall of the unidentified structure they were in. There was a large and wide stairwell that descended to a lower level. Across from them was another door, which was accessible by crossing the top of the stairwell. The entire hall was vast and empty, but she could hear violent winds howling outside. Hawke could feel death around her.

"And here I thought my house was dreary," Merrill sighed. She gasped and jumped when a hollow booming voice echoed throughout the hall.

"My, my, such an interesting turn of events," said the ghostly voice.

"Justice," Hawke said in alarm. "Can you see him? Do you know where it is?" She looked all over the hall, but she could not see the owner of the voice. She began to feel strange. Her fingers loosened around her sword, and she felt like sitting, relaxing. She wanted to lay down and take a nice long nap.

Justice shook his head. "No, but I do know that it is a sloth demon. Do not give in to it."

The voice came back, this time it was slurred in amusement. "Are you here for the dreamer, human? Are you strong enough to overcome Desire and Pride? The Demon of Sloth shall enjoy watching how you progress. Succeed against Wryme and Caress and I will have a most intriguing reward for you." And then the voice was gone. Hawke felt a rush of strength enter her body when the hold on her mind had lifted.

"What a horrible place," she said, gripping her sword tighter than before. She looked to Justice. "What did it mean to overcome desire and pride?"

"The battle for this Dreamer's mind is behind this door," Justice said gesturing toward a door not far from them, "and that one," he pointed to the door across the hall. "If you fall prey to the calling of the desire and pride demons, Maker help you."

"Well, let's see what's behind door number one then, shall we?" Hawke said with determination walking toward the door closest to them.

"We're with you," she heard Merrill say.

The moment she touched the doorknob, she felt her body being pulled into the room. A white light blinded her and a wave of magic poured over her body. When the light faded, Hawke could see a young Feynriel at a writing desk. His father was coaching him in transcribing letters. The boy looked up at his father with eager and innocent eyes. "Will I be able to go with you to Antiva, father?"

Hawke felt her heart burn with anger. How dare these demons torment the poor boy. "Feynriel, no," she said, but it was not her voice that she heard. It was Arianni's. She had taken the form of Feynriel's mother. Fenris was right. This was no place for warriors like him and herself, but still she had to try. She had to save Feynriel. "That's not your father, Feynriel, that is a demon," she pleaded.

The boy looked at her with confused eyes. "A demon? No,… no I want this!"

Feynriel's "father" began to glow. "Then remember this is the one that took everything you wanted." The voice no longer spoke with an Antivan accent. The Demon of Desire transformed into her true self, and Feynriel ran, screaming for someone to help him. The horned demon turned her glowing eyes on Hawke and her comrades.

"You took my pet," it said. "Now, I shall take something of yours. What do you say, my handsome elf? You desire a place to belong, do you not? What if I give you the one called Danarius and rid you of the scars that bind your body? No longer will you be chained to your past."

Hawke could see the willingness to fight leave Fenris. "Refuse her, Fenris," Hawke said. She grabbed his arm, but he pushed her away. The guards on his fingers easily cut her hand open, and she balled her hand into a fist to keep the blood from flowing.

"I… would … like nothing more," he said completely dazed.

The demon floated to Fenris, placing her hands on his shoulders and turning him to face Hawke and the others. "You can keep no secrets from me," she cooed into Fenris', eyeing Hawke. "If you rid of the quickly, dearest, I will also give you the one you desire most."

Hawke backed away slowly, preparing for combat. The demon looked straight at her with piercing dark eyes as she made empty promises to Fenris, and it tore at her heart. The demon was abusing Fenris' feelings and emotions, and she was powerless to stop it. The evil smile the demon gave her told her that Fenris was now lost.

If she had blinked, Fenris' sword would have sliced her in two. He moved quickly and efficiently, the lyrium scars shone brightly, fueled by the fighting spirit in the elf. "Fenris, stop!" Hawke shouted as she blocked another fierce blow that came for her head. But her friend was no longer there; he had succumbed to the will of the demon.

Justice and Merrill stood between them and the demon. "Strike him down!" Justice commanded. "Caress is ours!"

Hawke dare not take her eyes away from Fenris. He fought to kill, and she had to do the same. But the idea of killing Fenris, of killing any of them, even if was in the Fade troubled her greatly. She defended against his attacks, still unable to deliver the finishing blow. Even though his attacks were relentless, they were fluid and precise.

"Hawke, what are you playing at?" she heard Justice yell.

Fenris then took the opportunity to leap onto Hawke, using all his might to drive the point of his sword into her neck. She fell back and moved her head to the side, feeling the blade grazing her cheek. The sword was driven into the ground and she knew that this was the moment to attack. She pushed away her sword and grabbed at her boot, desperately grabbing at the dagger she had hidden there. As soon as she felt the guard of the dagger, she drew it from her boot and shoved the blade into Fenris' side.

He inhaled sharply and fell on top of her. Hawke hugged Fenris tightly, shocked that she had killed him. As soon as she felt the weight of his body on hers, he disappeared. Hawke still had her arms raised as though she was still grasping onto Fenris' lifeless body. All she could do was stare at the ceiling, breathing heavily. "He's dead…" she gasped in disbelief.

Merrill was by her side, forcing Hawke to her feet. She handed Hawke her sword. "We're in the Fade, Hawke," Merrill said. "I'm sure Fenris will be fine." Hawke blinked, and the world of the Fade became apparent again. Her mind was consumed by guilt and shame, but now she could think clearly again.

"Caress?" she asked Justice, keeping her back to him.

"No longer a problem," he said, already making his way out of the room. Hawke had to remind herself that Justice was just that. There was no room for empathy or pity. She wondered what he was like before he had merged with Anders and she also wondered the same for Anders.

They made their way across the large hall and entered the second door. Again, Hawke's body was transformed and this time she took the form of First Enchanter Orsino. She was now face to face with the Keeper of Merrill's clan. Feynriel stood proudly beside her.

"May I present to you… our hope," Keeper Marethari said. "He came to us to learn of his heritage-"

Orsino stepped forward, rudely interrupting. "Feynriel, that is a demon. They can take on other forms. That is not the Keeper. Please Feynriel… remember what you were taught."

The Keeper hissed at him, raising her arm to keep Feynriel from moving away from her. "He lies! Orsino is a pawn of the templars-"

But Feynriel silenced her, recognition dawning on him. "No... no! Away with you demon!" Again, he ran and his image faded.

Keeper Marethari's body became contorted and grew in size. The demon of pride's skin was dark, jagged and spiked. Its mouth became beaked and two large horns protruded from the back of its head. "Why have you interfered? We could have changed the world. But no matter. What I offered Feyrniel, I can offer to one of your companions."

"We will not be one of your slaves, demon," Hawke said, now back to herself.

The demon, Wryme, growled and leaned forward, coming close to Merrill. "Human, do you really think that your friend is really so innocent? What say you, scion of the Dalish, savior of the Elven kind? You have made a deal with one of my kind before. What is one more bargain?"

"Can you do that?" Merrill asked intrigued. She took a step forward and looked at Wryme longingly.

"Merrill…" Hawke warned.

"I cannot… put you above my people," the mage said, readying her staff to attack.

"Another one lost," Justice spat. "What fools." He raised his staff and a bolt of lightning shot out, striking Merrill in the chest, knocking her off her feet.

"Merrill!" Hawke cried. Justice cut her off, keeping her from aiding the Dalish elf. He cast a frost spell and encased her in a tomb of ice. With a mighty swing, he shattered the tomb, causing Merril's body to disappear in a cloud of smoke and dust.

"Arm yourself, Hawke!" Justice commanded. "This may not be the real world, but the consequences of hesitation are dire!"

Justice was right, Hawke thought. She could not afford to be distracted. Wryme roared in outrage and came charging at them, swinging his deadly claws. Hawke dodged and rolled out of the way. She jumped to her feet and ran after Wryme. "Justice, a little help!" she shouted.

Justice cast another ice spell, freezing Wryme's feet, rooting him to the ground.

The demon fell forward, giving Hawke an advantage. She jumped onto Wryme's back and thrust the tip of her sword into the base of its neck. The demon let out a piercing cry and writhed in pain. It grotesque arms grabbed at Hawke, and even though she tried to jump out of the way, one of its claws caught her and sent her flying into a wall.

She thanked the Maker she was wearing thick plated armor or she was sure she would have broken several bones in her body. The impact with the wall knocked the breath out of her lungs. Her vision blurred, and she used all of her strength to stand to her feet. Hearing Wryme screech again, she shook her head and forced herself to stand on her own without the support of the wall. When her vision cleared, she saw lines of lightning connecting Justice's staff and her sword still embodied in Wryme's throat. Seconds later, Wryme fell, smoke pouring from its body.

Hawke slowly approached the still demon, but it appeared to truly to be dead. "Better safe…" she said, grabbing the hilt of her sword. She pulled it from Wryme's neck, held it high above her head, then swung down as hard as she could. Wryme's head was successfully severed from its body, then it and the body vanished.

Justice groaned, falling to one knee. "Are you all right?" Hawke asked, feeling a wave of fatigue hit her. The Fade seemed to feed off of her energy, stealing it from her.

"It has been too long since I have had control of this body," Justice said, looking at Anders' hands. "The Fade makes him weak."

The deep and seductive voice of the sloth demon returned. "Well done, human," it said, almost purring. "Such amusing little creatures, you are." A dark pool of mist formed in the center of the room and the demon of sloth emerged. The body had no defining features save for a large dark lidless eye that stared at Hawke. "Surrender the dreamer to me, and you shall be rewarded."

Justice struggled to his feet. "All rewards come with a price, even more so with a demon. Do not trust it."

Hawke looked to the demon then back to Justice. Her own body was pleading for rest and sleep. What chance did they have to defeat the demon when they were hardly able to lift their own weapons? Perhaps, they could trick the demon and strike him down when he was vulnerable. It was the best strategy she could think of, and it was the only plan she had that could save Feynriel. She hoped that Justice would understand. "What is your name demon?" she asked.

"Call me Torpor," it said. "What is your desire, human? I can grant you strength, knowledge, money… magic? All I ask in return is possession of the dreamer called Feynriel."

Hawke showed it her best fake smile. Ignoring the pain in her back and legs, she stood with confidence, stepping toward the demon. "Show me how to control the Fade," she said. She kept her defenses open, showing the demon that she had no intention of fighting it.

"No!" Justice barked out. "You are a fool! I will stop you!" With a sudden burst of energy, he leapt to his feet and charged at her.

_Justice, no! _Hawke thought. How could he possibly believe that she would fall victim to a demon's request? This had gone horribly wrong in mere seconds. Justice truly believed that she was lost and he attacked her without abandon. He seemed to have been drained of all his energy as he could not cast any more spells.

_I'm sorry, Anders…_

Hawke saw her opening and struck back. She felt sick to her stomach when she saw and felt the body of a dear friend being impaled by her own weapon. The hurt and betrayal on his face led Hawke to believe that Anders had returned to his own body at the very last second. A moment later, his body disappeared from the Fade.

"Well now…" Torpor said, unfazed by the fight. "Where were we?"

Hawke was filled with disgust, but she played the part. She would be more than satisfied when the demon lay dead at her feet. Even though she knew that the other would wake without harm or injury, she could not shake the images of killing her friends. It broke her heart, and she promised then that she would make Torpor pay for what he had done. "I believe you were giving me a present," she said sweetly walking to the demon.

Torpor laughed and waved his arm, summoning another being from the Fade. Feynriel appeared beside him; the poor boy looked so lost and traumatized, but he did not say anything. "I could never have hoped to have defeated you and your companions," Torpor said. "Your betrayal of your friends is most appreciated." Torpor leaned close to Feynriel, and put his ghastly hand on the boy's forehead. "This will not hurt at all," Torpor promised Feynriel.

"This will though," Hawke said vengefully. She swung upward, cutting Torpor's arm off, releasing Feynriel from his hold. Torpor backed away, but Hawke pursued him. She hacked and slashed at his body, energized by the guilt she held for striking down Fenris and Anders. The demons of the Fade had turned them against each other so easily, and it enraged her. With a final swing, she managed to slice completely through Torpor's body, and then the demon faded into nothing.

Feynriel looked around wildly in fear. "Where am I?" he asked. He looked to Hawke and calmed almost immediately. "Serah... Hawke? You… you saved me! Again!" he ran up to her and hugged her. He blinked several times before backed away in fear. "It's my fault you and your friends were hurt. I- I need to learn to control my powers… but how can I?" He looked at his hands and then curled them into fists. "You must destroy me."

Hawke shook her head. "No. There will be no more death. You _can_ do this Feynriel. Dreamers control the Fade and the dreams of people in it. Don't lose hope."

The young man's eyes were filled with sadness and he buried his face in his hands. "I see why the Chantry fears us," he sucked in a deep breath and straightened his posture. "You are right, Serah Hawke. I must master this power… I must find someone that I can study under. Perhaps, Tevinter? Mother… mother will not look kindly on this."

"I will tell her," Hawke said, smiling. She could not bring herself to make the boy Tranquil. He deserved a chance, he deserved a chance at life. "May the Maker guide your journey, Feynriel."

"Come, I don't wish to spend another moment here, and I am sure you agree with me," he said with a full smile. It lifted Hawke's spirit to see such happiness. Feynriel lifted his hand and the Fade began to warp; it twisted and turned, colors and objects mixed into one. Hawke's vision went black and she felt her body fall forward.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hawke's body arched upward from the bed and she gasped loudly. Strong arms held her as she fought to regain control of her body. Air had never tasted so delicious, and she craved more. The arm underneath her helped her sit up and her breathing became normal after some time. "Relax," said Fenris. He was sitting beside her, supporting her.

She felt frail and gentle hands on her leg. Arianni was kneeling beside the bed and it was no surprise she had a look of worry and concern about her. "Serah Hawke… is Feynriel…"

Hawke felt Fenris move away from her, and she hoped it was not obvious that she missed his touch. He stood by the door of the bedroom, and Hawke was happy to see that Anders and Merrill were there as well. "He is alive and well, Arianni," Hawke said, touching the troubled mother's hand. "He's strong, and he will be seeking guidance in Tevinter. He asked me… to say goodbye to you."

Anders scoffed and stormed out of the room. "Anders," Hawke whispered sadly. She needed to talk to him, but for now she had to comfort a worried mother.

"Feynriel… is gone?" Arianni asked. She stood to her feet, and Keeper Marethari stepped forward.

"It is wise that he is seeking help. Kirkwall cannot provide him the training that he needs," Marethari said. "But be joyful that your son is alive, Arianni. What Serah Hawke has done was quite possibly a miracle."

Arianni nodded. "Of course. How foolish of me to not even thank you. I can never repay you for what you have done, mistress," she said. She wrapped her arms around Hawke and wept tears of happiness. Hawke smiled and hugged her back; there was nothing like a mother's unconditional love, and she was more than happy to keep that love strong even though the distance between mother and son had grown.

While consoling Arianni, she looked to Merrill and Fenris, and each of them knew that words and apologies needed to be exchanged.


	2. Apologies

**Ollo! (just watched Megamind)**

**I believe I will continue this for a couple more chapters. Thank you to everyone who has been favoriting the story. It's comforting to know that a few of you out there enjoy it. Happy reading all! **

"I forgive you," was all Hawke had to say to bring Merrill to tears. The Dalish elf slumped in her chair and kept her head low, clearly ashamed of her actions.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness… I am so sorry. Ma serranas," she said sadly. She looked at her hands as if she couldn't believe they were her own. "I cannot believe I turned on you."

Hawke sat down in the chair across from Merrill, touched that Merrill was showing genuine regret. She knew that the elven aged slower than humans, but the childish nature in her friend was astounding. There was so much that Merrill had to learn. "You are in more danger than other mages, Merrill. I know you would never hurt me, but just please be careful." When Merrill looked at her for reassurance, Hawke smiled at her. Merrill's expression brightened a bit.

"Being First to the Keeper, I should have been more prepared. It will not happen again," she said. "Thank you for being such a good friend to me, Hawke."

For the next hour, they talked about Dalish history and about mages in general. Hawke was relieved to see that their friendship had returned to a normal state again. When Hawke first met Merrill, she was disoriented and completely nonfunctional in a society ruled by humans. It took time for Merrill to open up, but Hawke discovered, blood magic aside, that Merrill was very much like a normal youngster seeking the approval of her family and finding her place in life.

"Speaking of mages…" Merrill interrupted their debate on templars and mages, "you should probably speak to Anders. He had quite a fit when you awoke after you came back from the Fade. He looked almost… angry. And even that is perhaps an understatement."

"Ah, yes," Hawke sighed. "It was not a pretty scene after you er… left. Apparently Justice has no idea what teamwork is. But you're right, I do need to speak with him. Thank you for the tea, Merrill. I enjoy your company." With a hug goodbye and a promise that she would visit Merrill again soon, Hawke made her way to Darktown.

XXXXXXXXX

Hawke always made it a point to carry more coin on her when she visited the less fortunate parts of the city. The first time she visited Darktown, her purse had been lifted. She caught up to the thief with ease, and it tugged at her heart when she found out that the boy was only ten years old. She pulled a silver from her purse and handed it to him. At first the boy thought she was trapping him and backed away, but when she left the silver on the ground next to his feet and turned to leave, she heard him say a quick "thank you" and ran the other way after picking up the silver.

Since then, she had established a sort of relationship with the orphans of Darktown. She gave them extra silver when she could, and she encouraged them to find work and make an honest living. Of course, she would leave out finding a fortune in the Deep Roads, but she did her best to see that the children had something of a future that didn't involve living on the streets and stealing from others.

Anders' clinic came into view and she braced herself for what would inevitably be a heated discussion. She hoped that Justice would not be making an appearance; dealing with one angry man was enough. A crippled woman walked out of the clinic, clutching a flask to her chest. Anders was escorting her outside, patting her gently on the back. "Come back if the pain returns. And use the potion once a day," he instructed.

"Maker bless you, young man," the woman said then hobbled off.

Anders' smile immediately disappeared when he saw Hawke approaching. He turned his back on her, but he didn't slam the door shut. That was an invitation to talk, Hawke thought with dread. She entered the clinic and was glad to see that it was empty. She closed the door behind her, and she unsheathed her sword. After leaning it against a table, she slowly walked away from it to show him that she had no intention of harming him.

"Well, you've given the demon sufficient time," Anders snapped. "Was his promise worth it?" The anger in his eyes would probably have been frightening to a stranger, but she knew that she could get him to calm down. She just needed to be careful with the wording.

"Anders…" she started, but he cut her off.

"What was it that made you sacrifice that poor boy? Wealth? Power? What kind of perverse happiness did you settle for? And were you happy that you killed me? I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out why you would betray me." He squared off with her. "Was it exciting for you to drive your sword into my heart?"

Right words be damned, she was mad. As much as she wanted to punch him while she was wearing a heavy plated gauntlet, she slapped him instead, pleased that he now looked at her with surprised rather than hate. "Did you even think that I would not have gone through with such a deal?" she retorted. "Torpor is dead, and Feynriel is free. I was never going to take him up on the offer. If you were paying attention, neither of us was capable of directly fighting a demon. So I thought to trick him to make him drop his guard."

She let the information settle in. Any hint of aggression from Anders was now gone. "You mean… "

"That's what I wanted to tell, but you just had to bite my head off didn't you," Hawke remarked. She let out a breath, forcing herself to calm down. Now that they had both said their pieces, she didn't feel as much tension between them. "He's not possessed Anders. I tricked the demon and killed it. But Justice didn't quite agree to the plan."

"I had no idea…" Anders breathed. "With Justice, there is no reasoning, no patience, only action or non action. Had I been in control of my own body, I might have been able to sense your intentions. But I was overcome by his rage." He stopped himself. "No, that is only half true. My own pain of your supposed betrayal was also what blinded me."

Hawke massaged her forehead, trying to be sympathetic to his situation. "I understand, Anders," she said finally. "Well, I will note that we should just charge every demon we encounter in the Fade and have absolutely no strategy on how to defend ourselves," her lips broke into a smile.

Anders returned it but winced slightly, rubbing his now pink cheek. "Oh, no, we are _not_ doing that again. It won't be easy to rid my mind of the memory of you striking me down, but I suppose you had no choice."

"You're damn right, I didn't," Hawke shuddered at the memory of Justice charging her. He was wild and uncontrollable. Had they been in the real world, it was very likely that one of them would be dead by now. "I believe you are the better half of the two though," she said.

"I… apologize," Anders said sincerely. He held out his hand, a simple gesture that displayed peace between them. Hawke pushed his hand aside and hugged him instead.

"I forgive you and Justice," Hawke said, placing her hand on his shoulder. "I cannot forgive one and not the other. But I do wish I could have slapped Justice instead of you."

They laughed and it felt good to know that any negative feelings were gone. "Don't think I came away from this unscathed, Anders," she admitted. "To see you fall by my hand… I never want to go through that again. I would never want to lose a good friend in such a manner."

Anders was going to respond, but there was a knock at the door. "Anders?" asked a childish voice. The door was pushed open timidly and a small child limped in. "I fell… and it hurts," said the little boy. His knee was bloodied and bruised. True to his nature, the healer walked over to the boy and picked him up.

"Let's take a look at that," he said, being careful to avoid direct contact with the gash. He looked to Hawke. "Shall we continue this later?"

She smiled, "I would like that." She retrieved her sword and waved good bye to Anders and the boy he was tending to. Hawke was relieved that things were slowly returning to normal. All she had to do now was speak to Fenris. Her pace slowed and her heart began to beat faster. What would she say? His reactions to her were not consistent. If she was trying to be serious, he would either be ambivalent or angry. Although, he did chuckle at her jokes most of the time, he rarely smiled or laughed. Maker… how had she fallen for such an enigma?

XXXXXXX

Aggregio bottle in hand, she made her way up the stairs that led to the living space where Fenris spent most of his time. It was now late at night, the moon was high above Kirkwall and the guards were dispatched on their routine patrols. Thanks to Aveline, the guards rarely came by Danarius' old mansion. She found Fenris standing next to the fireplace, seemingly lost in thought. Hawke placed the wine bottle on the table roughly, intentionally creating noise to announce her arrival.

He turned to meet her gaze, and no matter how many times she came to visit him, she always found herself admiring the way the fire reflected off of his lyrium tainted skin. "An apology," she said, gesturing to the bottle.

"You're apologizing to me?" he asked in confusion. "If memory serves, it was I that turned on you. I should be the one to offer an apology. I thought myself above such influence…"

Hawke poured herself a glass and gave the rest of the bottle to him. "You said yourself that the Fade was no place for people like you or I, yet you volunteered to come. Why?" She had her suspicions on the answer, but she wanted to hear it from him.

Fenris took a sip from the bottle appearing to be lost in thought. "You were entering a magical world with two unstable mages. I would not leave you to fend for yourself should the worst occur. It was obvious that Aveline and Isabella were unwilling to go. And Varric well, I did not trust him to have your back, literally."

Not the answer she expected to hear, but she would have to accept it. "Well, in the end, it seemed it did not matter," she said. She was not angry or disappointed; she was stating fact. "I was scared, you know." It was only around Fenris that she would admit such a weakness. Somehow, they had trusted each other enough to the point where they could share stories and feelings they would otherwise keep hidden from others.

"I imagine seeing me lose control would scare anyone," he said angry at himself. The base of the bottle began to crack under the pressure of his fingers.

"I wasn't scared of you," Hawke said. "I was scared that I had no choice but to hurt you… and I did." She closed her eyes, remembering the weight of his body falling on her, the resistance of his flesh against her dagger when she stabbed him, the hurt and pain of killing someone dear to her. What a horrible memory. "I can't explain what I feel, but it is heavy on my heart."

She felt so childish. It was a small admission, and she was too embarrassed to look at him to see his reaction. She kept her eyes closed and waited. He moved closer to her, and took the wine glass from her hand. Shortly after, his fingers intertwined with hers gently. She opened her eyes and saw that he was kneeling in front of her. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. "No one has cared for me before," he said. "Thank you, Hawke." With his other hand, he caressed her cheek. "I don't remember everything that happened, but I do know that I hurt you. Your hands… your face. I will never be so foolish again."

They shared into each other's eyes for a moment. It was so comforting to know that she was not alone anymore. With Bethany and Carver gone, she had no one to turn to as she could never bring herself to share any of her personal burdens with her mother. Even when she and Fenris didn't agree on certain topics, he always listened to her. It had taken years for him to improve, but he had more patience now and he was more open and understanding to the idea of companionship.

She had even agreed to teach him how to read and write. Somewhere in keeping the peace between templar and mage, fighting rogue Qunari, and ridding the streets of gangs, she found the time to visit him. For the longest time, she tried to convince herself that she was giving Fenris a chance at living a normal life. He needed to learn how to read, and at the very least write basic sentences. But deep in her heart, she knew she was just finding any excuse she could just to see him. She wanted to be part of his life. Her visits were encouraged when he asked that the first word she taught him to write was "Hawke."

The Maker had a strange sense of humor indeed. Hawke never would have thought that an elf turned ex-slave would capture her heart. But here she was leaving herself vulnerable by showing him open affection, and here he was, accepting it and even reciprocating. She stared at their joined hands, absentmindedly caressing one of his lyrium markings with her thumb. "They're beautiful," she said. Fenris frowned but did not move away. "They are a part of you, Fenris," Hawke explained. "What's the point of loving someone if you only love one part of them? These markings, your love of fine wine, your strength, your passion for the freedom of all slaves, even your hatred for mages… they are all a part of you."

"And these are things that you accept wholeheartedly?" he asked.

"Well… I think I can work to tame your distaste for mages," she chuckled, "but yes. I always have. Who knows, if you stay with me, I just might convince you to defend all the mages of Kirkwall in some glorious life or death battle."

"Doubtful," Fenris said, but there was a small smile on his face. His fingers tightened around hers slightly. "Hawke, if Danarius comes back for me-"

"You will not be alone," she promised. The fear of losing him was almost unbearable, and she vowed to do everything in her power to keep him safe. "You won't be alone," she repeated.

He leaned in closer to her. "I have not merged with a demon, and yet here you are." Just before his lips could touch hers, he hesitated. "What I desire most is-"

_Crash!_

They both stood to their feet, grabbing their weapons. Hawke could hear someone walking around the lower levels of the mansion. Perhaps a lone thief found the abandoned mansion and sought to raid it of left behind belongings. She heard more footsteps and looked to Fenris. There was a whole group that broke into the mansion. This was more than common burglary.

"Hunters…" he snarled. Hawke was not far behind him when he ran out of the room. Fenris aimed to fight them head on. She could see the lyrium markings glow, assuring her that the elf had no intention of leaving anyone alive.

They saw men pouring into the hall of the first level. Hawke counted five men, but there was no telling how many more were waiting for them outside. Their leader, a mage, pointed up at them. "You are in possession of stolen property," he said to Hawke.

She had never felt so enraged in her entire life. How could anyone think that Fenris was a commodity, a thing to be used? She drew her sword and pointed it at the mage. "Fenris is a free man!" she shouted. "The only way you'll take him is over my corpse!"

"Hawke…" she heard Fenris say.

The mage barked out orders to his men. "Keep the slave alive, and I don't care what you do with the woman. But if she lives, we might be able to sell her."

The lyrium markings were now glowing bright; Hawke could see the magic seeping out of Fenris' skin. "I am not your slave!" he yelled. The hunters drew their swords and attacked; the battle for Fenris' true freedom had begun.


	3. North

**Well guys, this is certainly evolving rapidly, so I will be changing the title and description of the fic. I originally wrote this as a one-shot, but it doesn't look like I'll be stopping any time soon. As always, I am grateful to those who have stopped by for a read. **

Fenris felt no remorse as he cut them down one by one. His body moved of its own free will, driven by one thought: to kill. The more that fell by his side, the greater the chance for freedom he was giving to runaway slaves. The hunters had charged the second level, cutting them off from escape, and he wouldn't have it any other way. None of them were leaving the mansion alive.

Hawke killed three men quickly. Her skill was far above that of a common hireling; she moved swiftly and each strike was deadly. He saw the mage throw two balls of fire at Hawke, catching her off guard. One effectively knocked her sword from her hands and the second collided into her body, pushing her off the second level balcony. She landed on her back, and it enraged Fenris when he saw that she was not moving.

If one did not possess magical abilities, there was only way to defend against magic. Kill the mage. But the mage was experienced and he was preparing another spell. Fenris was too far away to intervene. "Hawke!" he shouted, taking off in a sprint down the stairs, but he was cut off by two other hunters. There was a sudden jolt of fear that cut in Fenris; he was unable to help Hawke. There was no way he could get to her in time. "Hawke!" he yelled again, swinging his broadsword at the hunters.

He saw the mage summon a spell of ice. A large crystal dagger appeared in front of the mage, and he fired it at Hawke.

"No!"

Fenris didn't see what came first. When the second hunter fell, he ran to Hawke, but she was already shielded from harm, quite literally. Aveline stood in front of Hawke's body, shield in hand. The ice dagger had collided into the shield, shattering into hundreds of pieces. When Fenris looked back at the mage, he found that the man was now on his knees then fell on his side, a single arrow protruding from his chest.

"Aveline…" Fenris breathed. He physically felt relief spread throughout his entire body, never before was he so glad to see the guard captain. Not far from her was Varric. The dwarf had Bianca aimed high. No longer would Fenris doubt that when Bianca sang her song, she would hit her target.

"You're one lucky elf," Varric said, shouldering Bianca. He knelt next to Hawke, gently rousing her. "How ya doing, kid?" he asked.

Hawke groaned, but her eyes fluttered open. "You may be older, Varric, but I'm taller…" she said. She brought her hand to her forehead and winced. Slowly, she pushed herself onto her elbows, and with Aveline's help, she managed to get on her feet. "When this is over, I'm going to the Hanged Man."

"Atta girl," Varric laughed. "A head injury and a hangover is always a great mix."

Fenris approached Hawke, feeling a pang of guilt in his heart when he saw trickles of blood running down the side of Hawke's face. "Are you all right?" he asked, wanting to reach out and touch her face.

"Never better," she managed a smile. She reached into her pack and pulled out a red cloth. To his surprise, she wrapped a corner of the cloth around her fingers and dabbed his face. "Looks like they got you pretty good too."

"Thank you…" he said, forgetting that they were surrounded by at least a dozen corpses. Hawke handed him the cloth, so that he could clean the rest himself. She turned to Aveline and Varric.

"Your timing couldn't have been better," Hawke admitted. "Thanks to you both, I'll only have a large knot on the back of my head. Not that I am ungrateful, but what are you two doing here?"

Aveline sheathed her sword and returned her shield to its rightful place. "I came on my own. Even though I've managed to "modify" some of the patrols around this mansion, that doesn't mean I was going to leave the streets completely without protection. There have been stirrings in the area, and I feared the worst considering Fenris'… history. It was only confirmed when I saw men breaking through the door."

Varric shrugged. "Blondie told me that you and Fenris entered the Fade. There was no way I was going to pass up good material. And besides, I heard some rumors about the recent increase of bounty hunters in the area. I decided to follow up on a lead. Looks like my hunch was right."

"You were… worried about me?" Fenris asked skeptically. The words were strange to him; no one had ever cared for his well being except for himself. Maybe this is what it is like to have friends. It was a foreign concept to him, but he did not immediately turn it aside as he did with many other ideas that he viewed as weaknesses. "I… thank you."

Varric gave him a light punch on the forearm. "Hey, we're all pretty much one dysfunctional family now. And really, I wanted to find out about the woman I'm assuming you scorned back in the old days. I'm thinking you were quite the ladies' man."

Fenris blinked. "Woman?"

"The word is that some woman named Hadriana was behind the bounties-"

Fenris wasted no time. He turned his back on Varric, not caring that he rudely interrupted him. He went from corpse to corpse, checking their pockets and their packs. _Hadriana! _he thought with vengeance. The very thought of the woman stirred his blood and made him itch with anger. It wasn't until he checked the mage's possessions that he found a note. He was too agitated to read the words on the note. If he took his time, he may have been able to figure out the patterns of letters, but right now he had very little patience. He could not identify most of the strokes and slants that covered the parchment. "… caves… north…." He let out a frustrated sigh and handed the note to Hawke. "I… can't read it without your help…" he said. He barely noted that Aveline and Varric exchanged knowing glances.

Hawke took the note and read the note aloud. "Bring elf slave to the caves north of the city. Take extra care that he is either bound or beaten to the point where he cannot fight back. I do not care which. I and your reward will be waiting."

"Hadriana, my master's apprentice," Fenris growled. He hands tightened into fists, and he wished that he was crushing Hadriana's heart instead. "She would sell her own children if it made Danarius happy. I remember her well. She tortured me, starved me and used me as a target for new spells she learned. If she's here, it's at his bidding."

"Well, she's expecting you, so let's pay her a visit," Hawke said. She retrieved her weapon and looked prepared to leave at a moment's notice. "I will not stand for this. Just say the word." She was too kind to him.

"Don't leave me out," Aveline said, crossing her arms. "It's my job to ensure the safety of the citizens of Kirkwall. I can't have slavers and their bounty hunters coming and going as they please. I'm sure you'll be happy to know that the prison is full, so I do not have any intentions on making arrests."

"Bianca and I are ready and waiting, elf," Varric said proudly.

If there really was a Maker, Fenris had no idea what he did to deserve such loyalty. He didn't always get along with them, but they were closer to them than any one person he came across in his travels. He didn't think it was at all possible. He wondered if he had friends before he received his markings. He found himself staring into Hawke's eyes. They had a strong power over him, and he always felt that she would be by his side. Why she had chosen him as a companion was something he could never understand even if she explained it to him. But she was here with him, willing to help rid him of his horrific past. And with her was another human and a dwarf, and they genuinely wanted to stay by his side as … family would. "We head north," he said.


	4. One Down

**This one has just the tiniest bit of swearing in it. But Fenris is damn fine when he is angry, no? Enjoy guys! I will update soon. **

On any other day, Fenris would have been more openly irritated with Anders and his over eager willingness to accompany them to the slave caverns. Isabella was nowhere to be found, and really, they were in too much of a hurry to check every room at the Hanged Man to ask for her assistance. Merrill had left a strange message with her neighbors that she would be out in the city looking for resources and tools to repair a broken mirror. Odd hobby. And they found Anders in his clinic, resting. When he opened the door, he was at first irritated at being woken up at late hours of the night, but the moment he saw Hawke's blood stained face, he became gravely concerned.

"You should be more careful," the healer had said to Hawke. He focused all of his energy on the gash above her temple, repairing the skin with a healing spell. Fenris held his tongue, wanting more than anything to voice his opinion about Anders keeping his fingers on Hawke's face longer than necessary.

When Hawke had asked if Anders would help them look for Fenris' would be captor, Anders agreed. Though Fenris was quite sure it was not for his sake that the mage wanted to accompany them. Had Hawke not expressed an interest in having Anders with them, he would have denied the abomination's help outright.

"Keep your guard up," Fenris warned as they neared the mouth of a dark cavern. They had traveled for an hour up a rocky trail. If they had been traveling without a guide, they would not have found the entrance to the hellhole that had brought Fenris many nightmares. "The labyrinths inside are designed to keep other slavers from entering and slaves from escaping. I will take lead. I know this place well."

Hawke nodded and stepped aside. Fenris guided them in, moving as quickly as possible, but he knew there were traps and likely many undead guards that would stand in their way. But that would not stop him. He would tear through them to get to Hadriana. He promised himself that the blood mage would meet a painful end.

XXXXXXXXXX

One of Hawke's weaknesses was that she had no concern of her own well being when she was trying to protect an innocent from harm. She agreed to let Fenris lead them, but when she heard the tortured cries of a young woman, she carelessly ran ahead of him. They were in a long corridor, lit only by a few torches, and she had no idea what was behind the door she heard the screams coming from, but she ran as fast as she could. Old bones that littered the ground were crushed under heel and she ignored her companions' warnings.

"Please, stop!" cried the scared voice. "I didn't do anything wrong! Why are you doing this?"

Hawke barged through an aged wooden door with her sword ready to defend the woman. She saw a thin and frail female elf cowering in a corner, surrounded by what she assumed were other slavers. One of the men had a dagger in hand, raised above his head. They stopped and stared at Hawke, forgetting about the elf for one crucial moment.

That was all the time Hawke needed to attack. She grabbed her dagger with her left hand and threw it at the nearest slave, killing the man instantly. She would have to thank Aveline for forcing her to train with her weak hand. Hawke knew the others were close behind when she saw multiple arrows shooting by her, implanting themselves in two of the men.

They were an unbeatable team when they were in sync with one another. When they had a common goal, they made short work of any adversary. She saw Fenris kill the last slaver then helped the terrified elf to her feet. The elf was much smaller than Fenris, and Hawke had a feeling much of it had to with starvation. Her blond and brittle hair was matted down with blood and sweat.

"Are you hurt?" Fenri asked, stepping away from her, giving her room to breathe. The girl was trembling horribly, and she had to take a moment to realize that they were not a danger to her.

"They… they killed papa," she cried. "They bled him… they wouldn't stop cutting him. I don't understand. Everything was fine until today." Each word that escaped her mouth caused her to become even more hysterical.

Pity tugged at Hawke's heart. She had to admit, Fenris was the only slave she had ever really known, but at least he was capable of defending himself. If they had only been moments longer, this poor girl would have been murdered without a second thought. "You're safe now," Hawke said, laying her hand on the girl's shoulder.

"She loved papa's soup. I don't know why she became so angry," the elf sniffed.

Fenris was about to question her, but Hawke stopped him, shaking her head. It was best that a scared girl talked to a woman, not an angered man bent on revenge. "Do you mean Hadriana?" Hawke asked quietly.

"Yes. I think she's still here, but I can't stay… she'll kill me too," the elf said, looking over her shoulder, paranoid that the magister would come looking for her. "I have nowhere to go…"

"If you go to Kirkwall, ask for Leandra at the Amell estate. Tell her that her that Hawke sent you and that I'll be returning shortly."

"Are you my new master then?" the elf asked, bright eyed.

The pity only grew. Hawke shooked her head, and she knew that Fenris was staring at her, curious to know her answer. "No, not at all. But I _can_ give you a job if you like. You won't be a slave any longer."

The elf stared at her, obviously thinking that she was playing a cruel joke her. Hawke took the elf's hand and dropped several pieces of silver on her palm. "Take this and make your way to Kirkwall," Hawke said, stepping aside so the girl could begin her journey out of the labyrinth. "The way out is clear. Hurry." As much as she wanted to console the girl, they had a slaver to catch up to, and she had feeling that Hadriana wasn't very far from them.

"Thank you… thank you!" smiled the elf. She kept the silver close and hurriedly left, nearly stumbling from fright on her way out. Hawke made sure that the girl was gone before she faced Fenris.

"You did a good thing by her," was all he said.

"I'll make some inquiries about jobs that she can probably do in the city," Varric said with a smile. "You're really something Hawke."

Aveline frowned down at the dead slavers. "Disgusting."

"She deserves more than just one good thing," Hawke replied. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw a dark shadow emerge from the floor.

"Shades!" shouted Anders. He pointed his staff at the ghost like demon, and it was soon covered in bolts of lightning. "Oh, you've messed with the wrong mage!"

Many more appeared and they took no time in ascending upon the group. Aveline drew her sword and slashed through two Shades. A third attacked her and she blocked the deadly claws with her shield before stabbing it through its torso. Varric ducked and dodged as the Shades swiped at him, but every time they missed gave him an opportunity to strike back. He and Bianca were unbelievably accurate, and anytime a Shade was close to her owner, Bianca made sure that they kept a distance.

Hawke shifted her weight, preparing to fully swing her sword when they came charging for her. She noted that these particular Shades were much stronger than the ones she had encountered before in Kirkwall. Even if an arm was severed, they struck back with the other, completely oblivious of their missing limb. She twisted in a full circle, allowing the weight of her sword to guide her. She could feel each Shade as they were sliced completely through.

She heard Fenris' hateful cry, "_Hadriana!" _ Hawke didn't see the magister, but Fenris' sudden outburst told her that Hadriana had made an appearance. Two Shades were overpowering Anders, and neither Aveline nor Varric were able to help him. Hawke quickly dispatched of the Shade closest to her and carved her way to Anders.

Fenris's body lit up the entire room, and no Shade could stop him. Any that approached his was obliterated in seconds. His eyes were set on the blood mage in front of him. He managed to corner Hadriana, and she crouched in fear. She had summoned Shade after Shade, and he tore them apart with pleasure. When she realized that her powers were no match for him, she tried to run. The very thought of Hadriana slipping through his fingers, drew out even more power from his markings. A powerful force pulsated from Fenris' hands and knocked Hadriana into a wall. He was satisfied to see that she was coughing up blood.

Finally, she was his. He made his way to her slowly, and he made it a point to remember every detail of this sweet victory. He crushed her staff under the heel of his foot, rendering her next to useless.

"Stop!" she begged. "You do not want me dead."

Fenris raised his sword with a hunger that had been brewing for years. He wanted nothing more than to drive it through her heart. "There is only one other death that will bring me greater pleasure," he snarled.

"I have information," Hadriana pleaded, pathetically raising her hand to defend herself. "You have a sister! And she lives!"

The sword almost slipped from his hands. _A sister…_ _Could it be?_ He had never considered that he had siblings. He always assumed that his family had long since perished. There was no time or point in thinking about family; Danarius saw to that. He remembered asking his former master if he had a mother and father, and the only answer he received was no food for three days and ten lashings. No, this had to be a trap. Hadriana would say anything to have him spare her life.

"How do we even know you're telling the truth?" asked Hawke. Her voice broke into his thoughts, and he saw that the battle with the Shades was over.

Hadriana did her best to slither away from them, but she only backed herself into a corner. "You don't… but I know Fenris. And I know what he wants. What say you, elf? In exchange for my life, I'll tell you the whereabouts of your sister."

"We have your back," Hawke said, withdrawing from the tight circle they had formed around himself and Hadriana. "It's your call. We'll stay out of it." She walked several paces away and the others followed.

"I have your word then?" Hadriana breathed.

"Yes…" Fenris said. He moved closer to her, taking in the fear that covered the pale woman's face. It was a delicious sight.

"Her name is Varania," Hadriana said. "She's not a slave but a servant. Serving a magister by the name of Araman in Corinas."

"Is that so…" Fenris said with fake interest. Hadriana's eyes widened and she could not stop his hand from entering her chest. He could not explain the bliss he felt his fingers puncturing bone. They easily found her heart and he squeezed as hard as he could. He relished in the sight of life leaving her eyes, and when he pulled his hand out, her body fell limp on its side.

"Are you all right? Do you want to talk?" Hawke asked him.

"No, I don't want to talk!" Fenris snapped. In the back of his mind, he knew that his reaction was unreasonable but all the tension and anger that was building up inside of him had been released. "This could be a trap, but it doesn't matter. I finally got to crush this bitch's heart. May she rot and all other mages with her…"

"So I get no thanks for helping you merely because I can shoot fire out of a stick?" Anders asked crossly.

Hawke held up her hand to hush Anders. He had every right to be mad, but angering Fenris was not the greatest idea. She reached up to her put hand on his arm, but he shoved her affection away and pushed past her. "Don't comfort me. I need to get out of here." Fenris left the party without another word.


	5. Comfortable Silence

**I believe this chapter will make the rating change for the fic. ;) I'm not overly detailed as I am a more descriptive/emotional writer than anything else. But I hope you all will enjoy the fluff.**

The journey back to Kirkwall was awkwardly silent. Fenris had disappeared, and not even Varric's gift for bringing cheer into a solemn mood worked. Hawke knew that Fenris was probably venting out his frustrations in his own way, but she was stilled worried about him. This rogue habit of his was not something she would tolerate much longer, especially when she had no idea where he was. "Cheer up, Hawke," Varric said in a perky tone. "Frowns don't belong on a face as lovely as yours."

"Thanks Varric," Hawke sighed. "I'm just worried." She kicked a rock and watch as it bounced off the trail they were taking back to Kirkwall.

Anders huffed, throwing up his arms. "Why? It's obvious that he doesn't appreciate you and your efforts. I can understand why he would leave me behind, but he has no right to be an ungrateful little bastard to you."

The moon was high above them, but it was beginning to make its descent. If she knew that she would be saving a helpless boy in the Fade during the day and help destroy a slave ring by night, she would have greatly considered staying in bed much longer. "It's all right, Anders," Hawke assured. "That's just how he is. Actually, when I think about it, you two are very similar." She smiled and laughed when the mage gave her a flabbergasted look.

"You wound me, Hawke," Anders said with a frown.

"Actually, I can see it as well," Aveline added. "You both may be on opposite sides, but your passions are very much the same."

"Enlighten me," Anders said, crossing his arms.

"Well, Hawke for one," Varric smirked.

One of Hawke's eyebrows rose in curiosity and Aveline put her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. "Oh Varric, stop," Hawke said pursing her lips. "You're embarrassing me. Stop fishing for a story that isn't there." She gave the dwarf a light shove. "Besides, you know you're the only one for me."

Varric ran a gloved hand through his hair and puffed out his chest. "I knew it. I just wanted to hear you say it."

All of them, save for one, laughed.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Sparrow was the first to greet her when she walked into the Amell estate courtyard. The Mabari barked and whined, then barked happily again. His little tails was whipping around uncontrollably. He jumped on her licked her face several times before she forced him to sit. "I'm happy to see you too!" Hawke said laughing. "I'm sorry I didn't take you with me. It would have been quite entertaining watching you terrorize those slavers."

"Oh, you're back." Hawke saw her mother standing at the front door. She looked a bit worried, and that set Hawke's nerves in alarm.

"Is there something wrong?" Hawke asked worriedly. "Did something happen while I was away?"

"There is a… en elf here…" her mother said in concern.

"Fenris?"

"No, a young girl," Leandra continued. "Oh, actually, I don't know how young or old she is. Don't elves age differently than us? Dear, I hope you know what you are doing… Maker knows, I never anticipated that you would bring a slave-"

"She's not a slave," Hawke snapped, and she regretted her tone. Her mother wasn't an evil woman, perhaps ignorant to the oppression of slaves, but she would never wish ill will on any of them. "I'm sorry mother." She felt horrible for being disrespectful. "It's been a very long day." She walked up to Leandra and hugged her. The Hawke family was disappearing one by one, so Hawke treasured her mother more and more each day.

"I trust you, dear," Leandra said, patting her on the head. It reminded Hawke of the time that she came to her mother screaming and crying because Carver had teased her to no end. Every time, she would run into her mother's arms and with one magical touch, her mother would ease her suffering. "Now go wash up when you're finished. Adventurer or not, you are still a lady of nobility. And I will have you smelling like one."

"Of course," Hawke laughed.

Leandra retreated to her room for the night, and Hawke followed her mother's advice. She made her way to the washroom, taking care not to drop her armor on the ground so as to not wake her mother. She took her time cleaning herself, enjoying the warm water over her aching body. Hawke stared at her arms and legs for a moment. It was a wonder that she did not have more scars on her body considering what she put herself through since leaving Fereldan. She poured a bucket of water over her head, washing out the dirt and dust from her hair. The water smelled incredible. She would have to thank Bodahn for adding Rosemary to it the last couple of days.

She put on a simple night dress and went to find Bodahn. Before she said good night, her mother had said that the two dwarves were showing the elf girl around the estate. She found them in the study. "Ah! Mistress Hawke!" Bodahn said in great cheer. "Miss Orana says she can help share the cooking schedule with Sandal and myself."

The elf bowed to Hawke. "It is good to see you again mast-"

Hawke held up her hand. "There will be none of that. It's either Mistress Hawke or well… Hawke," she laughed. "Orana, is it? That's a pretty name." Hawke smiled when she saw Orana blush and duck her head low, embarrassed at receiving a compliment. "Your first task, Miss Orana," Hawke said.

"Yes? I can cook and clean. I even learned to play the lute." Orana's long pointy ears twitched. How strange that her eyes became so much brighter at the mention of a job.

"Get cleaned up, and get some rest," Hawke finished. "Bodahn can show you where the washroom is and where you can rest. And tomorrow I believe I will take you out and give you a tour of Kirkwall. Perhaps we can even go shopping for new clothes for you."

Orana almost cried. Unexpectedly, she threw her arms around Hawke. "Thank you!" she squeaked. But then she backed away, her hands covered her mouth and her eyes were wide in horror. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Hawke gently grabbed her hands and lower them. "Never apologize for something like that. I can tell I have a lot of work to do with you," Hawke said. "Now then, Bodahn?"

"At once, mistress!" said the dwarf. He lead Orana by the hand and guided her out of the study. Sandal followed, quite ecstatic that there was going to be another person living with them.

There was a knock at the front door and it caused Hawke great concern. No one had ever visited her this late, so had to she assume that it was an emergency. She hurried to the door and opened it.

Fenris stood in front of her. She couldn't read the expression on his face, but she knew that whatever they were about to discuss was probably not appropriate for her mother to hear. She kept many of her adventures from her mother's ears, and she preferred that her mother never knew about the day's events. Her mother's wrath would be great indeed if she knew that her oldest was out risking her life every other week.

She stepped outside and closed the door behind her. She was glad to see that see that he was unharmed, but she was still annoyed that he had left them the way he had.

"I… was thinking about what happened with Hadriana," Fenris started. He began pacing, an act of nervousness that was very unlike him. "You didn't deserve my anger, so I want to apologize, but you should already know that I uncomfortable with open affection."

Hawke narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "I heard the word 'apology' in there, but I don't think I received one."

Fenris stopped and looked at her. His eyes always made her heart flutter, but this time, she swore to herself that she would stand her ground. "I can go if you wish," he offered.

"What happened back there," she began, "it's not healthy, Fenris. "This hate that you have is eating you alive."

"And what would you have me do?" he argued. He had a nasty habit of letting his anger suddenly flare up. "Let Hadriana slip by me as though I never saw her? No, that witch deserved her fate. Damn her and every magister like her."

"Look at you," Hawke countered. "You may not wear chains, but it's obvious you are not free."

Fenris took one step forward, his eyes were now burning with hate. "You know nothing of being a slave! It's their fault that this venom courses through me. This hate is a poison I cannot rid myself of, and they put it there!"

She was getting angrier, but she tried to keep herself calm. "And I'm trying to help free you. What is happening to you?"

Fenris closed the gap between them. "What has magic touched that it doesn't spoil? I'm an escaped slave and an elf living off the means of helping others who should have learned to protect themselves. Sooner or later, the perverse blood in your veins will corrupt you too."

"Take that back…" she warned.

"You already know it to be true-"

Hawke felt the last of her control slip. She didn't let him finish. Raising her fist, she punched him hard, forcing him back several steps. It didn't stop there. Her body moved on its own, unleashing attack after attack. She had tried so hard the last several months to help rid him of his hate for Danarius and his past life. How many times must she remind him that his past no longer mattered? All that mattered was the memories he was creating now. He was surrounded by friends, and she tried time and time again to show him unconditional affection. And this was his appreciation?

She was much faster since her armor was not weighing her down, but she threw wild punches and kicks, not even caring if they connected with Fenris' body. Her frustration drove her, and it made her reckless. How could he be so cold? Why was it always about him? He had no idea how many times she had defended him to the others. The last punch she threw was her last. He stepped closer to her rather retreating out of her reach. With a firm grip on her arm, he turned and dug his shoulder into her chest and threw her over his shoulder.

He sat on her legs to prevent her from kicking him and he pinned her hands above her head. When she finally lost the will to fight, she started to calm down. They had never been so close before and it was both disturbing and exciting to her. His lowered his face to hers, keeping her hands bound in his grasp. His voice was low and husky. "Command me to go… and I shall."

She took several deep breaths, feeling her chest against his when she inhaled. Was this really happening? It was only in her dreams that he had been so dangerously and intimately close to her. What would be the consequences if she asked him to stay? "If you leave… I'll kill you," she breathed. Might as well find out. She was done waiting.

His kiss was fierce and full of unresolved passion. He was hungry for her touch and he wasn't shy about his expressing his desire for her body. He came up for one breath, then he dipped and kissed her again. He had let go of her hands and she took no time in running her fingers through his hair. She wanted to always keep him close; he belonged with her. Whatever demons haunted him, she wanted to be the one that helped him conquer them. He grabbed her arms and pulled her up to her feet never breaking their kiss. With one fluid movement, he lifted her and made his way for the door.

She felt the solid wooden slab against her back. Damn, she had closed the door, hadn't she? She reluctantly withdrew her fingers from his hair and desperately searched for the handle. Fenris' hands were keeping her hips close to his, and she wasn't about to lose the momentum they had. She kept her legs wrapped around him, and she giggled when her fingers closed around the door handle. She fumbled with it for a moment, and groaned in victory and desire when the door swung open. Fenris walked in, kicked it close and made his way upstairs.

She had always wondered how strong he was. When she could afford to steal glances, she found herself admiring Fenris' technique and ability with a sword. He was so precise and flawless. No doubt all his training had toned his body and Hawke had fantasized about the feel of his body over hers. But they were always fantasies. Fenris playfully bit at her lip, reminding her that this was no fantasy she was having.

They encountered the same problem with the door to her bedroom, but it proved to be a far less complicated obstacle. Fenris kept one arm around her body and used the other to rid her of her nightgown. She helped him shed parts of his armor off when they finally reached her bed. Why did he have so many bloody pieces on? She promised herself to remedy that in the future.

He crawled over her, forcing her to lay on her back, both relishing the feel of skin against skin. He looked unsure for a moment, his eyes were searching hers for a chance that she would deny him. But she brushed her fingers against his cheek. She then began to trace the lyrium scars that covered his chin, his neck, his shoulders, and his chest. "You're perfect, Fenris," she whispered. She placed her hand over his heart. "Wholeheartedly, remember?"

Apparently, she had given him all the reassurance he needed. His need for her came back and he hungrily claimed her lips once more. He ran his hands over her body, taking great care to give her the attention she needed and deserved. She pulled him close, silently pleading for him and she groaned in pleasure when he claimed her body as well. He moved hungrily against her, and she felt complete.

Never before had she felt this way about anyone in her life. Fenris had stolen her heart without even trying and here he was sharing her bed. She wanted him to stay with her always. She couldn't bring herself to say it just yet, for fear that she would scare both him and herself, but when he drew closer to her, her lips brushed his ear. It was not even a whisper, but her lips moved and she wished perhaps one day she could voice those three simple words to life.


	6. Gathering of Friends

**As always, thank you to those who have been favoriting the fic. I have several ideas that I am I working on, and I hope you all will enjoy the ride. **

Isabella was not known for common courtesy or her care for another's opinion of her, and today would be no exception. She shoved the Amell estate front door open and marched passed the two little dwarves and the elf that served Hawke and her mother. If they greeted her, she did not hear them. She was on a mission, and a damn irritable one. She ascended the stairs to the second level, skipping every other step. She saw Lady Amell and gave her a quick nod.

"Well, for once, I am glad you are here," Leandra said. "Please help her." The older woman held out her hand, silently asking that Isabella enter Hawke's room.

"Gladly," Isabella said. She treated Hawke's door the same as she did with the front, completely ambivalent to the fact that the thick wooden slab would cause quite a ruckus when it slammed into the wall.

Hawke was on her bed, hugging a pillow, and staring at a wall. According to Aveline and Merrill, Hawke had not left her room for damn near three weeks. It seemed that she was suffering from a broken heart, and if Aveline and Merrill had to resort to asking Isabella for help, it was bad. "Well, aren't you a sorry sight," Isabella said, not even waiting for an invitation. She walked inside and plopped herself on the edge of the bed. "The cheeky bastard got to you, did he?" she asked. Isabella knew she was not going to receive an answer, so she continued on as though Hawke did respond to her. "Can't say that I blame you. He is a delicious little thing, isn't he?"

Isabella stretched and yawned. It really was too early in the morning for such conversation. She could be back in her room having a second go at the bloke she met last night. But she and Hawke did develop a sort of friendship over the last few months, so she supposed that she could sacrifice one ravishing morning to aid a friend. After all, Hawke practically saved her life, and she barely knew the pirate at the time.

She stood and walked over to the window that oversaw the majority of Hightown. The city was bustled with life as the merchants began to set up shop with new stock and inventory. "Hawke… did I ever tell you that I was married once?" She heard Hawke rustling, and Isabella smiled. That got a reaction. Good. "I didn't love him. It was out of convenience for my mother really." Isabella remembered a time where she tried to love her husband, but he proved to be less and less of a man each day that went by. "I was always a free spirit, so when my husband died, I rejoiced."

"Did you…" Hawke croaked out. The poor thing's voice was so rough and broken. It must have been days since she last spoke. Isabella was used to hearing such sarcasm, wit, and cheer in Hawke's voice.

'_Fenris, you ass_' Isabella thought knowing how much he had hurt Hawke. "No," Isabella chuckled. "He was a target for a group of assassins named The Crows. And before your mind begins to wander again, I did not hire them. Though that doesn't mean that I didn't reward my savior handsomely," she sighed with delight remembering how she "thanked" the assassin and how she showed her appreciation for him several times more after. "Zevran…" she smiled.

"You've never thought of re-marrying?" Hawke asked, this time with more life.

Isabella turned away from the window, grateful that Hawke was speaking to her. She saw Hawke eyeing her with curiosity. "No. I have never have, and it's possible that I never will."

"Why?"

Isabella wondered if what she felt was sympathy for her friend. It was a feeling she buried long ago, and she easily lived without it. Hawke looked extremely innocent right now, and Isabella did not have the desire to take advantage of it. No, in fact, she will tell her a truth from her heart instead. "I was never afraid of falling in love," she admitted.

"When it really comes down to it, I was… am… afraid of being loved. And I think that's what happened with Fenris."

Hawke held the pillow tighter to her chest. "He said that his memories returned then disappeared again. He just kept saying he was sorry. And then he was gone."

"Do you honestly think that's what made him leave?" Isabella asked. She had traveled to many places and docked in so many harbors that she lost count. But every foreign land had something in common. The people always ran from their own fears and always gave a shoddy answer for running. "Much as I hate to admit that I was rather jealous that his eyes were only for you," Isabella started, "that really is it. He only longed for you. He's just being a fool right now, and you should let him be."

"Do you really think so?" Hawke asked timidly.

"It could be a month, a year, two or three years from now before he finally understands. Trust me when I say that all men, regardless of age or race, are idiots when it comes to love. It's better that he finds himself now than later," Isabella smirked. She was rewarded with a smile from Hawke. "Now come on. You're not going to be holed up in here day in and day out. You're a free bird for the time being, so you should enjoy it."

Hawke lifted her head and stood to her feet. "What if he never comes back?"

Isabella shrugged her shoulders. "That is why I don't deal with love." When she saw Hawke's expression sadden once more, she walked up to her and placed her hands on Hawke's face. "Some people are made for love and some are not, my dear. I believe you and Fenris are, but he doesn't know how to handle that. If anyone can bring him over, it'll be you. But like I said, I will not have you wasting away in here. Wash up, clean those tears out of your eyes and get dressed. We're leaving. And I will not take no for an answer."

Hawke gave her a full smile. "You're a good person Isabella," she said.

"Well, don't let that get out. I feel… strange," Isabella said.

"Your secret is safe with me," Hawke said, giving her a quick wink. "I think I could use some fresh air." She walked to her armoire and pulled out a light blue dress. Hawke stared at her for a few moments and Isabella only stared back at her.

"What?" she asked, tilting her head. "Oh you want me to leave? Well, that's a shame. I suppose I will let my mind wander," Isabella flashed her a devious smile. "I will be outside." Hawke rolled her eyes, and turned away to begin undressing. Isabella couldn't help herself. Thanks to her stealth training, Hawke had no time to react at all. Isabella raised her hand and gave Hawke a quick slap on her behind. Her body was quite toned after all. "Just as I imagined," she said seductively before heading out of the bedroom. All she could do was smile to herself, knowing full well that Hawke was staring at her back, wide eyed and completely lost for words.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Isabella led her to the Hanged Man which was hardly surprising. What did surprise her was that she saw more than a few familiar faces. Aveline, Merrill, Anders, Varric and a few of Aveline's guards that she recognized were gathered around a large table apparently waiting for her. Isabella walked up to Varric and held out her hand. "Pay up," she smirked.

Varric handed her five silvers and grumbled to himself. "You're not even a mage," he said. "What magic did you use to get her out of there? We've been trying for days!"

Hawke was shocked that they had all gathered for her. She had no idea that they cared for her that much. "I didn't mean to worry any of you…"

Isabella slung an arm around her, pulling her along to join the party. "Nonsense. Now then, let's have some fun! Drinks are on Varric!"

"Hey!" shouted the dwarf.

For the first time since she had been with Fenris, Hawke laughed. They pulled more tables together and they began ordering a feast and it seemed that they intended to drink the tavern dry. Aveline clasped a hand on her shoulder. "It's good to see you in better spirits, Hawke. You had us worried."

"It's nice to finally be out again. I didn't realize how much I missed the sun and smell of the sea. Thank you, Aveline. You're a true friend," Hawke said. She raised her cup to salute the guard captain, and the gesture was returned. One of Aveline's guards approached them and nodded to Hawke in greeting.

"Serah Hawke," he said.

"Guardsman Donnic," Hawke said happily. She gave him a playful shove. "I take it that the elopement went well?"

"Oh Maker…" Aveline swore, burying her face in her hand.

"Elop- elopement!" Merrill squealed. "You and Messere Donnic, Aveline? Oh, why did you not tell us? I could have made you wonderful Dalish decorations, and I could have made the nicest little desserts for your guests, oh! And I didn't even get you a present…"

Aveline shook her head as was about to correct Merrill, but Donnic stepped forward with a smile. "Calm yourself, little one. The captain and I are not together though I would not be entirely opposed to the idea."

If Hawke didn't see it with her own eyes, she never would have believed that Aveline could blush. She didn't mean for her joke to get very far, but this did confirm her suspicions about Aveline. And it seemed that Donnic, though allowing his drink to speak for him, shared that interest.

"Oh…" Merrill said in disappointment. "Well, I suppose it's good that I didn't miss something so important. Very well then. Aveline, I expect you to tell me when you will be getting married, so I can make the proper arrangements."

Varric whistled. "Look at our little elf go! Who knew a couple of drinks could create a backbone."

The lightheartedness of the atmosphere made Hawke feel much better. She had missed this; she missed her friends. Perhaps, she could learn to let Fenris go for just a little while. He needed to sort out his life, and right now, she just wasn't meant to be part of it. Several musicians began to play music that Hawke had not heard in years. It was a melody that she loved to dance to when she was much younger.

Anders was next to her and he held out his hand in invitation. "Join me?" he asked. She didn't have time to say yes or no. Isabella's hips collided into hers and she stumbled into Anders. He pulled her along, not letting her fall. Before she knew it, she was surrounded by other Fereldans and they were dancing in sync to the music. "Thought you'd enjoy a taste of home," Anders said in her ear.

It took her a while before she could get the rhythm, but it all came back to her. She twirled and clapped and stomped her feet. More of her countrymen joined in and soon the entire tavern was on their feet. Either people already knew the dance and were enjoying themselves or they were being taught and clumsily joined a group.

Hawke held up her hand, and Anders pressed his palm against hers and they took three steps in a circular motion before they switched hands and changed directions. Hawke could feel the smile on her face and her mood reflected on Anders. He too, was smiling and laughing. Hawke had never seen him more handsome. It was such a pity that he spent most of his time scowling and frowning because he was at war with the Templars. When the music called for it, he put his hands on her hips and lifted her. When she was back on her feet, she turned and swayed her hips, clapping her hands.

She had forgotten how beautiful the dance was, and she had forgotten how popular it was in Fereldan. Everywhere she turned, she saw a smiling face. It made her forget about the prejudice that Kirkwall had for Fereldans, and it made her feel at home. The dance was nearing an end; the final move required participants to choose a partner and of course, Anders chose her. He reached out for her hand and when their fingers touched, she stepped forward and turned, twirling into his arms when the last note was played.

Applause erupted in the tavern when another song began and many more drinks were ordered. There was something in Anders' eyes that she had never seen before. He acted as though he was going to say something, but instead he took her hand and led her back to their table. Many natives to Kirkwall patted Hawke on the shoulder. "Not bad for a Fereldan," many of them said.

Merrill was still out on the floor doing her best to keep up with everyone else, and Isabella was there to coach her. It was comforting to see that they had developed an, albeit odd, but sisterly relationship with one another. Hawke was convinced that Isabella very a caring person deep down. Today was proof enough.

"That was something, Hawke! And Anders, who knew?" Varric said, passing them more drinks. "I have quite a bit to write down in my journal thanks to that little display."

"One can only imagine. Just make sure you tell people that I was actually graceful rather than stumbling all over the place," Hawke laughed.

"You were flawless," Anders said. "And you can quote me Varric."

"Fair enough," the dwarf said and gulped down another drink. "Listen Hawke, it'll be hard at first. But you're going to be just fine. I know it."

Hawke cupped Varric's cheek, grateful that she was blessed with such a friend. "I've supposedly come away from a mighty battle with a High Dragon unscathed. I suppose I can live through this."

"That's my girl," Varric said. "Now we have more dancing to do. Come on!" Varric was far too gone to even notice that Hawke did not join him. Her feet were aching, so she settled for watching the others enjoy the night.

"And here Dwarves are supposed to be known for their tolerance of alcohol," Anders said. "I remember a dwarf I came across during my time at Vigil's Keep. His breath could clear a room and his manners only cleared it faster."

Hawke laughed. "Thank you, Anders. I do appreciate you being here."

"I wish I could do more," Anders sighed. "But there is no magical cure for mending a broken heart. I'm just sorry it even happened. I'm sorry he hurt you."

Hawke put her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her hands. "I haven't given up hope. So in the mean time, I'll just keep myself busy."

"Why does he still have such a hold on you?" Anders asked, leaning in closer. There was a hint of anger in his voice. "He doesn't deserve you. Why put your faith in him?"

Hawke searched his eyes. Beyond the anger and irritation, she could see that he was worried for her and that he cared deeply for her. "The same reason that I have any for you," she answered simply.

"I – I do not understand."

"He is tied to his past and struggles with his hatred for mages. That's no different than the war between you and Justice and the templars. Your hate for the templars only grows and it is enhanced when Justice gains control of your body. The others may have given up on you both, but I haven't. I have faith that you both will learn to let this hatred go," Hawke explained. "Am I fool then?"

"Hawke I…" Anders stumbled over his words, but in the end, he decided not to say anything. He grabbed her hand and lifted it to his lips, gently kissing her fingers. "Thank you."

She wasn't sure about what she was feeling in the pit of her stomach. How could one tell if instincts were foreshadowing a good future or a bad one? Anders stood to his feet and offered his hand once more. "Another round?"

She smiled and gladly accepted his offer. Despite having a spirit living inside of his body and the occasional plan to overthrow the Circle, Anders was quite patient and considerate. For the rest of the night, he was by her side as a friend, and that was exactly what she needed


	7. Curiosity Got the Wolf

**A little bit of swearing in this one. But if you played the game, you should be used the S- bombs haha. Enjoy everyone!**

Another two weeks had passed and each day that went by, the people of Kirkwall became even more restless with the presence of the Arishok and the Qunari. More and more reports of concerns poured into Aveline's office causing her patience to near an end. On a typical day, Aveline was continuously busy, staying on her feet and performing her duties to the best of her ability. But today she sat in her chair, glaring at the mountains of documents that literally covered every inch of her desk. She didn't have the strength to read each and every report. They all said the same thing: "Throw those damn Qunari on a ship and get them out of here!" or "Those beasts don't belong here. Do your job and protect the people of this city!"

Aveline pinched the bridge of her nose trying to relieve the dull pain that had been growing there for the last two days. It was bad enough that she had to deal with keeping the peace between Meredith and Orsino, but the recent activity with the Qunari was unsettling. There were several occurrences where citizens took it upon themselves to deal with the Qunari and forced their way to the Arishok. They had no idea how lucky they were to walk away with their lives and most of their body parts intact.

The Viscount and Aveline doubled their efforts to resolve each incident peacefully with the Qunari, but the Arishok grew more and more irritable each time. He became more vocal about the corruption of humans and their lack of leadership and belief. Aveline wasn't sure if they could defend the city against the beastly warriors if they suddenly turned violent, and that thought sent chills throughout her body.

"Captain," called guardsman Donnic from the doorway.

"Yes?" Aveline answered. She could use a break from all this paperwork. "What is it guardsman?"

"You have a … guest that asked specifically for you," Donnic said.

Aveline frowned. Apparently, she would miss even more time with the man of her affection. She sighed. Such is the life of the Guard Captain she supposed. "Enter," she said, staying in her chair. She hated these random calls; one could only hear so much bickering and complaining before common courtesy went out the door.

She heard light footsteps and a husky voice. "It's been a while, Aveline."

Aveline was proud that she managed to mask her surprise. She stayed rooted in her chair and her expression became stern. "Fenris," she greeted. '_You coward,_' she thought. "To what do I owe this visit?"

Fenris smiled, but it lacked any hint of happiness and joy. "Straight to the point as always. That's why I like you Aveline." She waited for him to continue not bothering to give him any response until he told her why he was here. "I have a favor to ask…"

Aveline shifted in her chair, narrowing her eyes. "Depending on the favor, I may or may not be interested in helping you. But do know that I am leaning toward the latter."

Fenris nodded and placed a piece of parchment on her desk. "There is a ship that will be coming in two days. I believe that my sister will be among the passengers. I am hoping that you will be able to help me identify her and find out if she is alone… or if my meeting her will be a trap set by Danarius."

"Is this why we haven't seen you in over a month?" Aveline asked. "You were searching for your sister?"

"It is," came the simple reply.

Aveline remembered when Fenris first found out of his sister. She wasn't fond of dealing with mages, but she could not stand aside while slavers were infiltrating the city at their leisure. The hatred that seeped from Fenris when they were in the caverns almost scared her because he was completely blind to all those around him. However, the mention of living family brought him back. Aveline kept herself from saying anything, but Hadriana would have played a cruel trick on Fenris is she had been lying. Had Aveline been in Fenris' situation, she very well may have killed the mage just as he had.

Fenris was not a man she hated or disliked. He just had too dark a past that he held on to that made him poor company at times. Aveline was sympathetic to his situation, but she found herself walking away from him most of the time because it was almost impossible to talk to him once Danarius and the other slavers were brought up in conversation. How Hawke was able to handle all of Fenris' ramblings was still a mystery to her.

"Why not ask Hawke?" She knew better than to pry in these types of affairs, but Hawke was her friend as well. Sometimes loyalty to a dear friend took precedence over duty and privacy.

Immediately, Fenris' expression changed from stoic to sadness. His eyes were downcast and he turned away. "I do not deserve her help. All I want is to ask her forgiveness."

Oh Maker's sake, he was genuine and sincere. That made it difficult for her to stay angry at him. He came back to right a wrong. Watching Hawke wither away during the first few weeks of Fenris' disappearance tore at her heart. And it was so easy to blame Fenris because he wasn't there to defend himself; she was sure that if she ever saw him again, she would have a blade at his throat. But she saw him now, and she could see the misery on his face and in his stature. For his own reasons, he left Hawke, but he was suffering just as Hawke had. "Well you better hurry then," Aveline sighed, giving in. "She's spending a lot of time with Anders lately. You'll probably find her at the clinic." Whether it was wise to tell Fenris that little fact, Aveline would know soon enough. But she believed in second chances at least in the ways of rekindling friendships. "I'll also help find your sister."

Fenris was taken back by her response, but he recovered his composure. "Thank you. Her hair is similar to yours in color and she has ruby red lips. At least that's what she wrote. I owe you, Aveline," Fenris said bowing. Before he left her office, she stopped him.

"I'm still mad at you, you know. Maker help you if you pull this shit again," Aveline said.

"I know," he said and he was gone.

Aveline read the note that Fenris had left for her. The note had been from his sister and it described when her ship would be docking and how long she planned on staying in Kirkwall. She stood and made her way to the barracks. This was going to require some convert planning and execution.

XXXXXXXXXX

One advantage to being an elf walking around Darktown was that no one begged him for money. An elf was just as poor and deprived as the lowliest human in Kirkwall. But he supposed that displaying a wide broadsword on his back was also a useful deterrent. As much as he tried to deny it, he had to admit to himself that the mage's decision to help the less fortunate was… admirable at best.

Fenris walked up the steps that led to Anders' clinic and it wasn't long before he heard Hawke's voice from within. He halted. He missed her voice, her laughs, her conversation. What would he say to her? He lifted his right hand, eyeing the red cloth that he had wrapped around his wrist. He remembered when Hawke had given it to him back when they were ambushed in Danarius' mansion. She was always so selfless; she was injured and bleeding, yet she gave him the cloth instead so that he could wipe the blood from his own face. It wasn't until he left her that night that he decided to wear it as a token, as a reminder of what he gave up. Would she forgive him? He had to at least ask.

He walked up the remainder of the steps and prepared to knock on the door to the clinic even though it was slightly ajar. He stopped himself when he heard Hawke's voice again. "Thank you, Anders," she said. "Maker, I have no idea what I would do without you!"

Fenris' curiosity made him quietly move closer to the door. He peeked through the crack and saw Hawke jump up and give Anders a fierce hug. He knew he had no right to feel jealous, but he wanted to drive his sword right through the mage's body. His heart twisted and became heavy when Hawke continued.

"You've been such a great help to me the last week," she said. Her voice began to crack and she sucked in a few choked breaths. "I can never repay you."

Anders held her close, resting his chin on her shoulder. "I require nothing from you. You saved my life, you know? This is the least that I could do for you."

Her body started to tremble and she sobbed quietly. Fenris cursed at himself. What had he done? The Hawke he remembered was so strong and full of life. What other woman would willingly brave the Deep Roads and take on the inner struggles of an entire city? Now here she was, fragile and trembling, openly weeping. If Hawke could ever forgive him for breaking her heart, he wasn't sure he could forgive himself.

"Anders…" she sniffed. "Tell me that I'm strong. Tell me I'll be all right."

The mage pulled away just enough so that he could stare into her eyes. "You'll be more than all right, Hawke," he said. He wiped away her tears. "I'll be here for you." He leaned in and gently kissed her.

Fenris tore his eyes away and ran, unable to watch more. He ran into several people, knocking them over and shoving them into walls or onto the ground. He would rather receive his markings a hundred times more than to feel this pain. _'I deserve this'_ he kept telling himself. The image of Hawke being consoled by Anders would forever be burned in his memory and it both angered him and saddened him to great lengths. He didn't care who saw him, he just kept running.

He found his way back to Hightown. Danarius' mansion had not changed much; in fact, it looked exactly like how he left it. Not one book was moved and not one cobweb was disturbed. Strange that the residence was not looted or renovated while he was away. Surely, Hawke told her friends that he had left. It would have been logical that the Viscount reclaimed the abandoned home in hope to rebuild and sell it.

It didn't matter though. For now, he had a place to stay. He dropped to his knees and cried. He didn't think he was able to feel remorse to this degree, but that's what Hawke did to him. She awoke all of these feelings inside of him that he believed were gone and stripped away from him. She gave him life; she awakened his soul and he walked away from her because he was a coward. She deserved better. Once he resolved the matter with his supposed sister, he would move on. Hawke was the only link he had to Kirkwall, and he had lost her. There was nothing for him here, and he brought that on himself. Two days couldn't pass soon enough.


	8. Unlikely Reunion

**This one is a little shorter than the others only for the sake of pacing. The next couple of chapters are going to have some cliffhangers ;) Enjoy! **

**Hmmm... it looks like the site was a little wacky last night. My profile says that this was uploaded last night, but I do not see it on the live preview. So I am posting it again.  
**

Fenris stared at the lone elf sitting at a table on the far side of the tavern. She didn't realize he was there, and he made no move to announce his presence. She looked sad and forlorn. Maybe she was skeptical that she would be reuniting with her brother. The more he focused on her, the more pieces of his memory came back. Varania was indeed his sister. She was a few years older than him, and she had always protected him.

"_Brother…" Varania scolded. "You know better than to anger the magisters…" she was dabbing his back and shoulders with a warm cloth. His blood ran down the sides of his body and she did her best to clean him. _

"_We're not animals, sister," he said sucking in a breath. The beating he received was almost unbearable, but he knew that the blood mage would think twice before he touched his mother again. _

_Varania held him close. "As long as we are slaves, we are no different than cattle," she said sadly. "Promise me you will not do anything like that again."_

_He hugged her back desperately. There were so many times that he feared he would grasp at a ghost. Their master had threatened to separate them many times and each time he believed him. He couldn't afford not to. "I'll free you and mother both," he swore. "I promise. I'll do whatever it takes…"_

Fenris shook his head. More words and faces flashed through his mind.

_He and Varania were much younger, much more innocent. They were playing in a courtyard, chasing each other, laughing and giggling. Their mother was hanging clothes out on a line. His mother… she was beautiful. She had the same lips as Varania, and she had their eyes. She was tall and slender and she had an angelic voice. Her hair was long and silver like the color of the moon. "Darlings, don't stray too far away," she called to them. "Our master will be most displeased if you wandered off."_

His hands tightened into fists. He was born a slave. It was the only life he ever knew. They never had a chance at a normal life.

"Leto?" said a voice.

Varania eyes were locked on him and she stood. Her hands were trembling and she made her way to him slowly. "Leto…" she repeated. Varania placed her hands on his face and it jolted another memory.

"_You get your hands off him!" cried mother. She fought off the magisters and their other slaves. She was knocked to the ground with a slap, and a cruel magister placed a painful spell on her, keeping her rooted to the ground. "Leto!" she screamed. _

_Varania had her arms around him, but she was being pulled away. She was too weak to fight them off. She caressed his cheek and looked into his eyes one last time. "Be strong, brother," she said. Rough hands were on him and he was torn away from her. It was the last time he had seen her and his mother. _

"I remember you," Fenris said in recognition. "You called me…"

"Leto," Varania said with a sad smile. "That's your name. I thought you were dead. I didn't think I'd actually see you here…" He could see tears and shame in her eyes. She pushed him away. "You shouldn't be here. Go. Now!" she commanded.

"Why are you-"

Then he heard the voice that had haunted him for so many years. "My little Fenris was always so predictable," said the cold voice.

No matter how long Fenris trained, no matter how strong he became physically, Danarius' hold on him made him weak. Danarius was walking down from the second level of the tavern, and he had hirelings with him. There was amusement in those old eyes and his lips turned upward into a cruel grin.

"Don't be mad at your sister. She did as she was supposed to," Danarius said, laying a possessive hand on her shoulder.

Fenris turned his hate for his former master onto his sister. "You led him here?"

Varania buried her face in her hands and cried. "Forgive me, brother. I had no choice."

"You always have a choice!" Fenris shouted. The patrons and customers of the Hanged Man wisely made their exit. There was going to be blood whether it would be his or Danarius' and his traitorous sister.

Danarius clicked his tongue, moving Varania behind him. "Now, little wolf, you know that a slave never raises his voice to his master."

"Shut your mouth Danarius! I never wanted this curse you bestowed upon me," Fenris growled.

"How little you know. And the word is _master_," Danarius said, glaring at Fenris. He raised his hand, and a hireling charged, raising a bloodstained axe.

He never reached Fenris. Before he was even within arm's reach, a dagger embedded itself into his neck. Fenris looked behind him and he saw Hawke, Varric, Aveline, and Anders near the entrance of the tavern. "Hawke…" Fenris whispered. She wasn't dressed in her regular plated armor. Instead she was wearing armor made of crimson leather.

She didn't acknowledge him; instead, she walked up to stand by his side and pointed her sword at Danarius. "Fenris doesn't belong to anyone," she declared.

Danrius raked his eyes over Hawke's body and licked his lips. "Your new mistress then?" he asked in amusement. "Quite lovely. I am sorry my dear, but you are in possession of _my_ property and I will collect him with or without your consent."

Hawke's eyes narrowed and she lowered her stance, preparing for a fight. "He stays here," she threatened.

Danarius shrugged and the hirelings attacked.

There was too much to think about. Fenris dodged and block all of the attacks that came his way, but his mind was elsewhere. Why was Hawke here? And why was she fighting for him? He killed two more men while Hawke and the other were making short work of the other mercenaries. None of the mercenaries were able to touch Varric, and anyone who came close, Aveline defended against. Anders was keeping a protective spell constantly on Hawke, not bothering to attack the hirelings.

Danarius formed a ball of fire in his hands and threw it at Hawke, knocking her off her feet and throwing her over a table.

"Hawke!" Fenris and Anders shouted at the same time. Anders and Aveline were by her side in seconds; Anders protectively cradled Hawke's body while helping her to her feet. She was unharmed, but the fury that rose in Fenris' body was deadly.

"You're going to die for that Danarius," Fenris hissed. The lyrium in his body gave him the strength to kill the remaining mercenaries that were protecting Danarius. When he downed the last thug, Danarius' eyes were wide in fear. Fenris grabbed his throat and lifted him off his feet. "You are no longer my master." He dug his fingers into Danarius' neck, feeling the bones snap and watching as blood gushed from the mage's mouth.

Danrius' corpse fell to the floor in a bloody mess and Fenris turned his anger on Varania. She cowered in a corner and held up her hands, looking at him like he was a monster. He reached out, waves of power were emitting from the lyrium that tainted his skin.

Suddenly, his arm was pushed aside and Hawke stood between him and Varania. "Don't kill her, Fenris," she pleaded.

"And why not?" he snapped. "She was ready to see me dead. Any part of a sister I could have reunited with died once she decided to betray me."

"You have no idea what I've had to do when mother died," Varania cried. "The things I've done… what they made me do… you can't possibly understand, brother…"

"You have no right to call me that," Fenris growled. He was still angry, but Hawke drained his will to take his sister's life. The lyrium markings were silent, and his body returned to normal.

"Please, Fenris," Hawke said. "She is the only family you have."

He could hear Varric's voice behind him. "Listen elf… Fenris, it may not seem like it now, but trust me, this is the last thing you want."

He let out a long breath. They were right. When it came to matters of the heart, his… friends never led him astray. Whatever tortures he had gone through could very well have been worse for a female of his race. He stepped aside and allowed Varania to leave. "Get out," he demanded.

"Leto," Varania began, "you competed for that power. You intended to use the boon to have mother and I freed, but I look on you now and I believe you received the better end of the bargain. But once you were gone, they killed her, and though I was a servant officially, I was not freed from the cruelty of slavery."

He wanted the lyrium in his body? He fought for it? No, that was not possible. "Shut up," he said, looking away from her. Was there no end to his torment?

"You were alive, but you no longer remembered me. I was alone. I am… so sorry, Leto," Varania said, tears running down her face. She didn't say another word. She ran and left them.

And just like that, he was alone again. He had hoped that finding Varania would restore a piece of him, making feel like he belonged somewhere, but how wrong he was. His past was to forever remain a mystery, and he wasn't sure if he wanted his memories back. It didn't seem that it was worth the pain.

"I'm here, Fenris," he heard Hawke say. He lifted his head and saw her clearly for the first time since that night nearly a month and a half ago. He didn't forget how beautiful she was, only that he missed her and her touch. Without thinking, he lifted his hand and touched her cheek. She leaned into his touch and smiled. He saw Anders behind her, glaring at him but staying silent. That was enough of a reminder that he no longer could lay claim on Hawke. He pulled away.

"Thank you for being here," Fenris said. "I wasn't expecting you."

"That would be my fault," Aveline said, stepping forward. "What I told you about Varania appearing at the dock alone was true, but I had a feeling. Hawke overheard me talking to Varric, and well, you know Hawke."

"I couldn't let you face him alone," Hawke explained. "If Varania was truly alone, I would have let you be. But…"

"You are too kind to me," Fenris said.

"Yes, she is," Anders mused. His arms were crossed in that annoying manner of his when he was attempting to look intimidating or irritated.

"Say no more. I will be leaving Kirkwall shortly," Fenris announced. The sooner he could leave this forsaken place, the better.

Hawke reached out and grabbed his arm in shock. "You're what? But you can't," she almost begged. She looked around, looking almost embarrassed that she had lost her composure in front of her friends. "Can we… talk sometime?"

He could never deny her when she looked at him like that. Hawke had a powerful hold on him, and if she commanded, he would obey. Seeing her in front of him, feeling her touch on him again made him reconsider leaving. She could just believe that he was gone. He never really wanted to leave her. Perhaps, he could just watch her from the shadows. "As you wish, Hawke," he said. "But can we talk later? I have much to think about."

She looked relieved and she let go of his arm. "Of course. Take as much time as you need. You know where to find me." She retrieved her dagger and sheathed her sword, preparing to leave. Before she, Aveline and Anders left the tavern she looked at Fenris once more. "I'm glad you're back," she smiled. And then she was gone.

"I have a feeling this little ordeal will actually make the value of this place go up," Varric said stepping over several corpses to get to a chair. He sat on it and stretched his legs. "What a mess…" he whistled. "So then, your highness," he called to Fenris.

"Your… highness?" Fenris asked lifting a single eyebrow.

"Well, you_ are_ the King of Brooding, aren't you?" Varric chuckled. "I'll make this short and sweet, so we can get a cleaning crew in here. Now then. If you leave before you talk to Hawke, I'll see to it that either your ass is dragged back here or Bianca will chase you down. Savvy?"

Fenris nodded. He was a coward once, and it was a mistake he would not make again. "Understood."


	9. Stirrings

**Let's see how much I can build up this particular story arc, shall we? Thank you to everyone who has been supporting this fic. 3 to you all. **

Anders locked up the clinic for the day. He intended on visiting Hawke earlier, but with the recent rebellions against Meredith and her Templars, there was a drastic increase in wounded citizens. Even people from Lowtown were coming to his clinic and it unnerved him. If he were in any other city, free of the prejudice against mages, he would gladly accept patients from any part of Kirkwall. But there was a reason why he chose Darktown. No one knew who you were. If Lowtown residents were coming to find him, it was only a matter of time before the families of Hightown would seek him out.

He double-checked to make sure that the potion he made for Hawke was still in his pack. The tiny flask was no bigger than his finger, but it was very potent. The ingredients were very hard to come by as well. He had to leave Kirkwall altogether to find them. He remembered when Hawke inquired about his disappearance. It was the day that he couldn't bury his feelings anymore. He was in love with her.

He couldn't remember anyone who cared for him as much as Hawke did. That's just who she was. She had such a positive energy about her that she made him forget all the horrors around him. She made him believe that the world could change, that mages wouldn't be feared or hunted. She gave him hope.

However, her innocence and her strength were being wasted on Fenris, and he couldn't understand why. The elf was a savage beast that was bent on revenge, and Anders knew sooner or later, Fenris would break her heart. And he did. Yet Hawke waited for him. Anders spent endless hours pondering her actions. Why was it that she couldn't choose him? More than his denial for his feelings for her, Anders refused to accept the answer he already knew.

He now stared at the Amell estate entrance and sighed. He was hopeless. But Hawke needed him now more than ever, and he had every intention on helping her. If their paths were to separate from one another after Kirkwall, he would find solace knowing that he helped her. Before he could even knock, the door was swung open and he found himself face to face with Hawke.

"Anders!" she almost yelped. She placed her hand over her heart and let out a nervous laugh. "Maker, you scared me. What are you doing here?"

"I came to drop off the potion you asked for," he explained. He wasn't too happy to see that she was dressed in her leather armor. "May I ask where you are going?"

Behind her, he could see Aveline and Isabella. An odd pair to be visiting her, but it was apparent that they were not happy with one another. Isabella's expression lit up when she saw him. "Oh perfect! We could use you!"

Hawke sighed and placed her hand over her eyes, completely embarrassed. "Isabella…"

Aveline stepped up. Anders wondered if the captain was capable of not wearing any armor. "Fine, bring him. The faster we get rid of this… problem, the better. I don't know why we're even wasting the time for this harlot when there are clearly more pressing matters."

Isabella waved her off with a scoff. "Clearly, Hawke understands loyalty to friends. The city can wait. Kirkwall has dealt with the Qunari for well over a year. What's one more night? Besides, those little elves aren't going anywhere."

Aveline glared at the pirate, unafraid of showing her disapproval. "One more night can be detrimental to the security of this city. The Qunari are on the verge of war with Kirkwall. They cannot do as they please. Those elves must abide by our laws."

Anders had heard enough. "Hawke is not going," he stated. He was tired of seeing Hawke being pulled into all these random adventures, it was a wonder that she never passed out from exhaustion. And considering what she had gone through recently, she just needed some time to herself, away from all these potentially dangerous distractions.

"Pardon?" Isabella questioned. "She already said she was going to help me, didn't you, Hawke?"

Hawke sheepishly looked at Anders. She had a bad, albeit cute, habit where she would pout her lips when she was looking for a way out of a bad situation. "It's just one little errand, Anders. Isabella-"

"I'm going to die if she doesn't help me!" Isabella exclaimed.

"Hawke…" Anders said in warning.

Isabella pushed passed Hawke and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Well, if you're that worried about her, then come with us. She's not going to be in any danger. This won't take long at all."

"Why don't I believe you," Anders sighed. The pirate was right. Hawke was extremely loyal to her friends, and when she set her mind to helping them, there was no stopping her. "Well, there's no way I'm letting you go without me. I'll have you know the fact that you're wearing armor sets me on edge," he said to Hawke.

"I know… and thank you, Anders," Hawke said gratefully. "Really, it's just a precaution in case we run into any more gangs. Isabella just needs help finding something and then I was going to escort Aveline to the Qunari compound. My involvement is going to be minimal at best. I anticipate being home by dinner."

"Well, we can only hope considering your current company," Anders said. He had a horrible feeling about the whole ordeal, and Justice agreed with him.

XXXXXX

No matter how many times he practiced greeting Hawke in his mind, he knew he was going to stumble over his words. Fenris threw up his hands in frustration, walking away from the broken mirror that he had been talking to for the last half hour. He had been avoiding a confrontation with Hawke for the last two days, trying to gather his thoughts. He wanted to be completely free of feelings he had regarding his sister and Danariu, but the memories were still fresh in his mind. For years he had wondered about any living family he had. Varania was all he had left in the world, and he almost killed her.

He toyed with the red cloth that was wrapped around his wrist. Hawke was his savior, his pillar of strength, his hope. She was capable of seeing the good in him when he could not see it himself. He could apologize to her a thousand times and it wouldn't be enough. When he saw her at the Hanged Man, he wanted to gather her up in his arms and never let go. In a single afternoon, he had somewhat reunited with the woman that held his heart, severed all ties with his only living sister, and killed his former master. If he was going to talk to Hawke openly, he had to come to terms with his new life.

But he was still confused. All he knew was to run away from Danarius and fight for survival. He never considered becoming domesticated because he was never in a position to be as such. He once told Hawke that he could see himself living in Kirkwall for the right reasons. As far as he was concerned, she would be his only reason to stay. But what if she rejected him?

He paced around the mansion, kicking at broken bottles and random debris. He was getting nowhere. If he was going to talk to Hawke, he had to do it now; otherwise, he'd drive himself crazy with all his self-deprecating questions.

In one fluid motion, he jumped from the second floor balcony and landed on the street. He was careful not to be seen, but he hurriedly made his way to the Amell estate. He had taken on countless warriors and mages alike, killed hundreds of shades, demons and spirits without a shred of weakness or fear. But now his heart was beating madly, hoping that the women he cherished more than his own life would accept him again.

He passed several estates, noting to himself that the streets were much quieter than normal. The air felt different, and it carried a stench that made him slow his pace and check all the corners around him. Something was very wrong.

"Fenris!" cried a female voice.

He saw an older woman running to him. Her gray hair was flailing wildly as she sprinted toward him. The closer she came to him, the clearer it was that she was frantic and filled with terror. He recognized her as Leandra Amell. When she reached him, she placed her hands on his shoulders, trying to catch her breath. "Please, tell me what's going on!" she begged. Her eyes searched his, the expression she wore was one only a mother could have when they feared for their child.

His mind wandered to dark assumptions. He envisioned Hawke lying on her side, bloodied and beaten, unable to protect herself. But unlike Hawke's mother, he was able to think logically to find an answer. "Calm yourself," he said. "I know no more than you. Did something happen to Hawke?"

Leandra looked around in fear. "No, well… I don't know! She came home a short time ago and said she was going to Viscount's Keep. She told me to stay in Darktown because the nobles were in danger. But I can't leave my baby girl! Please, she's all I have left."

Fenris felt fear grip his heart, but he forced himself to move quickly. Grabbing Leandra's hand, he guided her across the courtyard and down to the main plaza. He didn't tell Leandra, but his ears picked up the faintest sound of terrified screams and cries. The more frequent they came, the faster he ran. He needed to ensure Leandra's safety before he could find Hawke.

They raced across the merchant's plaza. It was empty, but Fenris wasn't sure if it was because the merchant's had left for the day or if they were forced to flee. "Hurry," Fenris said to Leandra.

Leandra kept up with him as best as she could, trying very hard not to stumble on the hem of her dress. "Fenris, what's happening? Where is everyone?"

Her question died in her throat when they saw a Qunari warrior dragging a defenseless woman by her leg. "Help me!" she screamed. The woman clawed at the ground, doing anything she could to stop the muscular warrior from taking her.

Fenris let go of Leandra's hand. "Hide," he commanded. "Wherever you go, don't go to the Keep."

Leandra backed away in horror, looking from Fenris to the girl, then back to Fenris. She didn't say anything, but she listened to him. She fled, moving away from the direction of Viscount's Keep.

Fenris turned his attention back to the Qunari and the woman. Something must have happened for the warrior to act so brazen. And if he was openly attacking the citizens, then there was no doubt that the Arishok and his warriors had finally decided to unleash their wrath upon Kirkwall. He could smell blood on the warrior and that sent his nerves on end. Hawke was undoubtedly in the middle of this, and he had to find her quickly.

"Stop!" Fenris shouted. He drew his sword when the Qunari let go of the woman and turned his eyes on him.

"You are one of her companions," the warrior said in a low deadly voice. "The Arishok must have her by now."

He knew the warrior spoke of Hawke, and it only heightened his desire to find her. "Leave this place," Fenris demanded. He gripped the hilt of his sword tightly. Both of them understood the ways of the Qun. He knew the Qunari, and he knew that only one of them would be leaving the plaza alive.


	10. Terms

**You guys are so awesome. I love getting the email prompts saying that people are favoriting or putting the fic on their alerts. Thank you guys so much. Enjoy the drama**

Anders roughly grabbed Hawke's arm before she could enter the Keep. The others wisely kept their mouths shut. Even if they did voice their opinion, he wasn't going to pay them any attention. "Hawke, you can't do this," he said desperately. It was bad enough that they fought Qunari warriors and mages while making their way to the Keep, but now Hawke intended on facing the Arishok and the last of his Qunari to save the nobles inside the Keep that were being held hostage.

He could hear the cries of battle from the courtyard. Meredith and her Templars were working with Orsino and his mages for once to distract the Qunari long enough for them to enter the Keep, but Anders was against the whole idea from the start. "Stop endangering yourself," he pleaded. He knew it was futile to try and stop her, but he would never forgive himself if he didn't try. "Please, Hawke… each decision you make…"

She touched his hand, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. "If I don't try to stop this, our future is destroyed. You know as well as I that they must be stopped. I'm fighting for a future free of turmoil and fear. Whether that involves mages, templars or Qunari, I _have_ to protect her. I'm fighting for our future. There is no other way."

"But she-" Anders choked out.

Aveline pushed against the heavy doors of the Keep. "Bethany will be safe so long as we can stop the Arishok. Hawke, we need to move forward. I can hear the nobles screaming for their lives in there."

Varric lightly punched Anders' arm. "You make it sound like we're just going to let her go in there by herself. Come on, think positive. We've survived worse than this."

Anders forced himself to smile. The dwarf was right, but this time the stakes were different. He glanced to Varric then to Aveline and then finally to Hawke. She looked at him with hopeful eyes, silently asking for his support. He squeezed her hand back. "I know how much she means to you. I'll help protect her with all of my ability…" His heart was so heavy, but he couldn't stop her. And if she wouldn't listen to him to flee, he would do his best to keep her safe. He never knew that such a brave woman had walked into his clinic all nearly a year ago.

He, Hawke, Aveline, and Varric entered the Keep. All kept their weapons ready, but none of them were prepared to see the Viscount's head rolling toward their feet.

"Serah Hawke…" said the Arishok. He was standing at the highest level of the Keep, looking down at them. His warriors were scattered all across the Keep, and the nobles were crowded into two groups. Several lay dead on the floor, blood either pouring from their mouths or torsos. "Shena'dan, I was expecting you; however you are no different that these… _bas_," the Arishok continued.

Hawke stood her ground with confidence. "I won't pretend to understand why you have desecrated the city as you have. This madness must end."

"Perhaps… prove yourself _Basara, _or kneel with your brethren," the Arishok said, turning his back them. His dismissal was a sign for his warriors to attack.

They came in a wave, and the nobles screamed in fright. They pushed themselves against the walls of the Keep trying to avoid the bloodshed that took place before them. Anders kept as many Qunari as he could away from the nobles and his companions, but he was set on protecting Hawke. He decided much earlier that he would drown himself in blood to protect her, to shield her from all harm. Any time a warrior came near her, Anders tapped into the Qunari's mind, making the giant beast forget where he was for a moment. And Hawke took the opportunity to strike. He didn't care how much energy was drained from his body; he kept a protective barrier around Hawke when he could.

Each blow she dealt was on target, and she didn't hold back. She was magnificent, fueled with a fighting spirit to defend her home and family. Anders never understood that sentiment until now. They could very well die in this battle, but if they did, it wouldn't be because they gave in to the Qunari.

Aveline blocked many powerful attacks that the Qunari unleashed on her, but she held her ground. She bravely kept herself in front of the nobles, shielding them whenever she could. The Keep was large and spacious, but it was full of people that were terrified beyond logic. At least three more nobles had fallen because they had run blindly into the middle of the fight.

Hawke shoved her shoulder into a Qunari warrior's chest, pushing him away from her. She swung her broadsword and slashed his torso open. Another had come up behind her, but Bianca had killed him before he could even touch Hawke.

"Hawke, watch it!" she heard Varric shout.

She followed his gaze and saw a long spear heading for her. There was no time for her to bring her sword up to protect herself. Before the spear could penetrate her chest, it was sliced into two pieces by a heavy broadsword. She saw a blur of red and silver and her heart stopped for a moment.

"Fenris…" Hawke gasped. Her elf was by her side, prepared to fight. His eyes were locked on the Qunari that almost took her life and a moment later, the Qunari fell dead, his head completely severed from his body.

"It's not over Hawke!" Fenris bellowed, and he was right. Another warrior came at her, and she did her best to completely avoid any impact with his blade. The Qunari were large and strong, but they were slow. She waited patiently for an opening to present itself. When it did, she drove her sword into the warrior's chest, granting him a swift and hopefully painless death.

"_Parshera!"_ the Arishok commanded, and the onslaught ceased. The Arishok descended to the first level, keeping one large hand on the handle of his axe. "You are _basalit an_ after all. Few command such respect."

"Please, stop this," Hawke said. She wiped blood off of her face that was not her own. Her eyes scanned over the many bodies that littered the blood stained ground. "This senseless killing must stop."

"And what is your suggestion, Hawke?" the Arishok asked. He now stood but two feet from her. She willed herself not to be intimidated by his presence. The Arishok was much larger than his warriors and his stature alone demanded respect. His once wise eyes were now wild with a desire to "cleanse" Kirkwall of its supposed disease. "You know I cannot withdraw. How would you resolve this conflict?"

"I believe I can answer that," said a sultry voice.

Hawke turned to the main entrance and saw Isabella standing over a Qunari body. She shamelessly stepped on the body and made her way to the Arishok. "You'll find the tome… mostly undamaged," Isabella said, handing the Arishok a large and heavy book.

The Arishok's eyes went wide in surprise, but he carefully inspected the book then nodded in approval. He ran his fingers over the cover almost in disbelief. "The tome of Koslun…"

"I didn't expect to see you again," Hawke admitted to Isabella. When Isabella had turned on her, Hawke swore that she would track the pirate down and return the relic to its rightful owners. The heartache she felt when Isabella stranded them hurt her a great deal.

The pirate looked at her with annoyance. "This is your damn influence, Hawke," she said. "You made me… soft. I couldn't turn my back on these people or you. You're the only friend I've ever truly had, Hawke."

Aveline destroyed the touching admission, stepping up and interjecting herself between Hawke and Isabella. "When this is over, you're going to have to pay for your crimes."

"Get over yourself, you prig," Isabella snapped. "I'm here, aren't I?"

The Arishok handed the tome to one of his warriors and he move to Isabella. "We are free to leave now that the tome has been returned. But we leave with the thief."

"What?" Isabella stepped back in surprise.

"No," Hawke said, possessively raising her hand to keep the Arishok from Isabella. "She stays. She is Kirkwall's responsibility and she will answer to our laws."

The Arishok opened his mouth to respond, but Fenris interrupted him. "_Arishokost. Qun anaam ebrah to! _You acknowledge that Hawke is _basalit an._ She has the right to challenge you."

The Arishok blinked and the slightest hint of a smile touched his lips. "I forget that you understand our ways, elf. What say you Hawke? Kill me, and my warriors shall leave, and your… companion may stay with you."

Hawke gulped but did her best to hide her growing fear. "I take it that if I lose, my life is forfeit."

"Correct," the Arishok nodded.

"No!" Anders exclaimed. He hurried to Hawke and stood between her and the Arishok. He grabbed her shoulders and shook his head. "I cannot allow you to do this, Hawke."

"Look around, Anders," Hawke said sadly. "They outnumber us, and we are weakening. How many more lives have to be lost? If I can stop the Arishok, then they'll leave Kirkwall altogether."

"We can stop them together," Anders pleaded.

"Have faith in Hawke," Fenris said, locking eyes with her. "I do, and I will never stray again."

Hawke felt her heart swell with pride. Such simple words held much power. Fenris always had the ability to give her hope and strength, and he didn't even know he had that power over her. Just the sound of his voice alone made her heart soar. Hawke saw the red sash wrapped around his wrist and she almost cried right then. He hadn't forgotten about her. She had so much to tell him, but there was no time.

She had to win this fight. Not once had she desired to kill the Arishok, but this is what it came down to. She lifted her sword, indicating that she agreed to the terms. This battle will determine the futures of many, and she was not going to lose.

"Meravas! So shall it be!" the Arishok proclaimed. "Know this, companions of Hawke. She shall receive no aid, by weapon," the Arishok's eyes looked straight to Anders, "or magic. Any attempt to help her will forfeit the terms of this duel and shall doom those within these halls."

Anders spat in digust, but he abided by the conditions of the duel. He took his place next to Aveline and Varric, but kept his distance from Fenris. Aveline and Varric looked just as troubled as Anders. "You better survive this, Hawke," Aveline said. "I won't forgive you if you don't."

"Your story doesn't end here, Hawke," Varric said. Hawke nodded her thanks to the both of them. She noted to herself that their hands were just inches away from their weapons and she had to smile. They had fought together so long that they didn't need to exchange words with each other when it came to combat. She knew that if she fell today, that her friends would fight to the death to save their city.

Isabella hugged Hawke unexpectedly. "Hawke, I-"

"No need," Hawke shushed the pirate. "I know it's not your way but… say a prayer for me?"

"Anything," Isabella said, pulling away and looking deep into Hawke's eyes. "Anything that will get you through this."

"Hawke," the Arishok called. The Qunari warriors had stepped back, giving the Arishok and Hawke room to duel. The Arishok wielded his mighty axe, and he stared straight at her. "We fight."


	11. The Duel

**This one is a bit more violent than the other chapters. I won't say anything more than that. Enjoy.**

Hawke had never seen such a display of raw strength and power. The Arishok could easily overwhelm her if she slipped up just once. She was careful not to stumble or falter in her defense. When the Arishok swung his axe, everything in its path was destroyed. He was twice her size, and she couldn't allow him close to her. She kept on the balls of her feet and when he lashed out at her, she dove out of the way.

When their blades met, sparks were ignited and Hawke could hear the startled cries of the nobles. The Qunari were silent, observing the duel intently. They were much more calm than her comrades. She pushed the Arishok away only to duck when the axe came back in full swing aiming for her neck. With all of her might, she kicked at his knee, hoping to break his foundation. She was awarded with a loud crack, and the Arishok stumbled back, slightly limping.

She took the opportunity to unleash a string of attacks attempting to slash at any part of his body that was not covered in thick armor. Hawke had to remind herself that Qunari were not gods; they were capable of dying just like any other race, but the sheer physique of the Arishok constantly cast doubt in her mind. She had never faced an opponent of such fortitude and vehemence.

The Arishok swung again, this time overhead, and she jumped to the side just as the axe crashed into the floor. The Qunari leader learned her pattern of counter attacking and followed up with a solid punch successfully connecting with Hawke's right cheek. She felt her skin break, and the next thing she knew, she was on the floor.

"Get up, Hawke!" cried Aveline.

Hawke blinked the tears away, and she could see the Arishok charging for her again in the reflection of her blade. She rolled, feeling the floor breaking around her. She wagered she had narrowly missed being cut in half. Hawke jumped to her feet and went on the offensive; she was getting nowhere by dodging and ducking. She had to make this duel turn in her favor.

She squared off with the Arishok again, and they took their time analyzing each other, anticipating the other's next move. "If you lose today, Hawke, the world will be poorer for it," the Arishok said.

She didn't respond to him. Her mind was in a frenzy. Somehow, she had to disarm him. She could feel droplets of liquid running down her face, but she didn't dare take one hand off of her weapon. He came again, filled with an energy that matched the animosity his race physically displayed. She jumped back, feeling whips of air when the axe missed her body.

Many nobles ran away from them when they came near, and Hawke saw a sliver of hope when she saw a support pillar not far from her. She conserved a little energy, halfheartedly attacking the Arishok. When she was forced to defend herself again, the Arishok's axe came seeking her blood. This time she led him to the pillar.

When the Arishok swung, she stepped behind the pillar. The axe collided with the pillar, and it was now stuck. Hawke raised her sword high above her head and cut downward, slicing cleanly through the haft of the axe. The Arishok stumbled back in shock that he was now without a weapon. Hawke knew this was her only chance. Using the Arishok's momentum against him, she cut and hacked at his body, forcing him back even more.

She tried to deliver the final blow, but he caught her hand. For a moment, he pulled her forward and locked eyes with her. She saw a wild beast in those eyes; any part of the Arishok that she had slowly come to respect over the past months was now gone. He squeezed her arm so hard, that her fingers were forced to drop her sword. She felt excruciating pain in her stomach when his fist collided into her body. The single punch broke through her armor and all she could feel was fear and guilt.

"Hawke!" Anders yelled. "Maker, no!"

When she was able to suck in a breath, the Arishok lifted her by her arm. Her feet dangled nearly two feet above the floor. With a powerful kick to her abdomen, he sent her flying across the hall, and she landed roughly on the steps connecting the first floor to the second. Her vision blurred when she rolled onto her back. All she could feel was pain coursing through her body and she let out a pained cry. She could feel her head resting on a single step. But she was not granted a moment's time to recover. The Arishok's massive hands were around her neck. "I will offer you a quick death, Serah Hawke. You will be remembered among my people,_ basalit an_," whispered the Arishok.

"No…" Hawke choked. She put her hands over his in a futile attempt to pry him off of her. But her fingers could not even wrap around his giant wrists. "I won't give in," she gasped. The Arishok's grasp tightened around her throat, and she could not longer breathe.

She heard people shouting, but they sounded distant from her. She thought she heard her name, but she couldn't tell anymore. This was the closest to death she had ever come. There was a tingling sensation in her fingers, and she made one last attempt to push the Arishok off of her. He was a mountain of muscle that loomed over her, and his haunting eyes came into view. No, she wouldn't allow herself to die this way.

"_Please… give me the strength that I need. I beg you. Please!" _she thought to the Maker. The Arishok's eyes widened in surprise and he was suddenly lifted off of her. There was a bright red light that shot out from Hawke's hands and she felt a surge of energy coursing through her. The light penetrated the Arishok's body completely and he flew several feet from her.

Hawke stared at her hands in surprise. What had just happened? She rolled to her side to see the Arishok lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. The rise and fall of chest slowed as the seconds passed. By another miracle, Hawke got on her knees. She practically crawled, making her way to the dying Qunari. There was a large hole in his chest, but he showed no signs of pain. She knelt by him and his eyes found hers again. They no longer held any hint of primal rage in them. She saw pain and… regret.

"Take my life, Hawke," his voice came gurgled and a river of blood dripped down the corner of his mouth. "For the life I have taken."

She slumped forward unable to mask her true feelings any longer. "You lie…" she sobbed desperately.

The Arishok said nothing else. She knew he was telling her the truth and she couldn't contain her fury. In one swipe, she grabbed the dagger from her boot and cut his throat. "No, no, no!" she screamed.

She felt arms around her and fatigue ran through her body. Whatever energy had entered her body earlier completely vanished. She fell back, and those arms lifted her and carried her away from the madness, away from stench of death. She caught a glimpse of silver hair and pointed ears before she passed out.

XXXXXXXXXX

It took some time to console Leandra, but Anders was able to calm the worried mother and asked that she stay in her room while he prepared to work on Hawke. He needed complete privacy, free from all distractions in order to focus on healing all the injuries Hawke sustained in the duel. Orsino and Meredith were at each other's throats once more, so there were no other mages available to assist him and he could not wait for the templar and Circle leaders to work out their differences.

Fenris and the others crowded in the study, anxiously waiting for news of Hawke's recovery. The now ex-slave paced back and forth, unable to sit still for a minute. He nearly had it out with Anders earlier, but the mage was intent on being alone with Hawke because the spell he had to prepare for had to be precise and exact. After harsh words were exchanged, logic set in, and Fenris backed off. There was never another time in his life where he was actually grateful for magic. If anyone could save Hawke, it was Anders.

Fenris had carried Hawke all the way back to the Amell estate, clutching her frail body to his chest. He never imagined that Hawke would struggle against the Arishok as she had. There a fury that grew in the pit of stomach when he saw Hawke laying on the steps of the Keep, completely helpless. When the Arishok wrapped his fingers around her throat, he almost lost his control. He wanted nothing more than to save Hawke, but something else had come to her rescue. Everyone suspected Anders, but he looked completely bewildered. "I know no such magic," he said in awe.

Fenris buried his face in one hand and continued to pace. "You're going to burn a hole in the floor, elf," Varric said. The dwarf was just as concerned for Hawke's well being, and it physically showed. He was slumped against the wall, constantly glancing toward Hawke's room.

Even Merrill showed up after she heard the news of Hawke's fight with the Arishok. The Dalish elf burst through the front door calling for Hawke. Aveline hushed her immediately and led Merrill back to the study. Her bright and strangely innocent eyes scanned the room, looking at everyone's face. "Is she…"

Aveline shook her head. "No, but she's not faring well. Anders has been with her for the last three hours."

Isabella had disappeared conveniently, but Fenris heard the pirate promise Hawke that she wouldn't leave Kirkwall as she needed time alone. As much as he disliked Isabella's actions, he heard truth in her voice, so he decided not to pursue her. Apparently, pirates were capable of feeling guilt after all.

"I shouldn't have suggested the duel," Fenris said sadly. He felt responsible for putting Hawke in that situation and it ate away at him slowly. He had so much confidence in her, and he had no idea why her technique and abilities were lacking. She moved so much differently than he remembered. It was as though she purposely kept herself on the defensive being overly cautious and guarded. Why had she changed so much in such a short amount of time?

For once, Aveline showed him a friendly display of affection. She stopped him from pacing, pulling gently at his arm. "Hawke would have wanted it that way, you know that. I was with her when Lothering fell and Fereldan was lost to the Blight. She always chose the road of the savior. Any time she could, she wanted to protect the weak. If you weren't there, she would have found a way to confront and stop the Arishok."

"She's right, elf," Varric agreed. "I may make up a lot of bullshit in my stories about her, but all the parts of her coming to save the people are true. She would do anything to save her family. What she did, she did to save her mother and sister."

"That's only mostly true," said a voice from the doorway. Everyone stood at attention when Anders entered the study. His brow was covered in sweat and he looked completely exhausted.

"How is she?" asked Merrill. "Is there anything I can do?"

Anders held up his hand to keep her from asking anything more. "She needs a lot of rest, but her body will recover… mostly."

"What do you mean mostly?" asked Fenris. He was taken back when Anders turned a hateful glare his way. "What aren't you telling us?"

"You have no idea what she's been through," Anders snapped.

Fenris kept his mouth shut. For leaving Hawke, he knew it was only a matter of time before someone said something to him. And it was no surprise that it was the mage that reprimanded him first.

"Anders, not now…" Aveline suggested, but she was silenced.

"Oh no, Aveline. I've held my tongue for far too long," Anders argued. He dangerously stepped close to Fenris, staring directly into his eyes. "You have no idea what you put her through."

"I came back to make things right," Fenris said calmly.

"And what perfect timing you have!" Anders raised his voice, seemingly not caring who heard him. "Did you know that she cried herself to sleep every day for nearly three weeks? She didn't even leave her home. You left with her nothing! How could you hurt her like that?"

"I know I don't deserve her forgiveness-"

"You don't deserve a damn thing!" Anders was now shouting.

Fenris was nearing his patience. It was one thing to express how he felt, but now Anders was becoming annoying. "I should leave. I'll be back in a few days." It was obvious that Hawke and Anders had become much closer over the last couple of months. Hawke confided in Anders in a way she never did with Fenris and it was his punishment for running away. He couldn't shake his mind of the image of Anders kissing her in his clinic.

"You're going to abandon her again? You're not leaving, you coward," Anders threatened. Fenris pushed passed him, ignoring the mage. He wasn't prepared to defend against a powerful force that knocked him into the main hall. Anders had openly attacked him, and he had done so in Hawke's home. Fenris pushed himself up from the floor.

"You dare?" Fenris snarled.

Aveline grabbed Anders, but she too was knocked back from an invisible force. "Anders, this isn't helping matters!" Aveline said.

"Blondie, what are you doing?" Varric asked.

"I'm not going to hurt him though I want to," Anders said walking slowly out of the study and approaching Fenris. "You're going to listen to what I have to say."

Fenris was ready to charge Anders but his feet were stuck to the floor. When he tried to look down he found he could not move his body entirely. He should have known that the mage was not going to fight fairly. "Say what you want," Fenris spat. "I have no need for your misplaced resentment."

"I assure you it is not misplaced," Anders countered. "Why she even waited for you is something I cannot comprehend. Why she chose _you_, I do not understand. You left her."

"From what I've seen, she's forgotten about me and she has moved on," Fenris said. "I saw her at your clinic days ago. You were quick to replace me."

His retort earned him a swift punch to the stomach. For a mage, he had a fairly decent swing. Fenris doubled over and coughed, trying to catch his breath. "Are you really so blind? She rejected me. She wanted and still wants to be with you!"

"And why should I believe you, mage?" Fenris said, standing upright once more. "I saw you together, and I have accepted it."

"Maker, you are such a blind fool!" Anders said in frustration. "She's always loved you. She's never stopped, even when you left her behind. And now she needs you more than ever! Why is it so difficult for you to see that? How is it that you cannot possibly know? When you're near her, you don't feel it?"

"Now you are speaking in riddles," Fenris taunted.

Anders gripped his armor and brought Fenris' face close to his. Every word he said hit Fenris harder than any physically blow to his body. "She was carrying your child."


	12. Pieces

**Pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together, no? I'm enjoying reading the reviews to the last chapter. I love writing moments that make a person experience a strong feeling whether it be surprise, sadness, or happiness. There's still more to come, so I hope you guys continue reading. Thanks for sticking around!**

_They finished another dance together, and Hawke was laughing freely. There was a healthy flush to her cheeks and it warmed Anders heart to see that she was happy again. He led her back to their table and ordered another round of drinks. Hawke smiled and clapped in sync with the music of the next dance. When the drinks came, Anders saw that Hawke had not even touched her first mug. "Is the ale not your liking?" Anders asked her. "I can have them bring something else."_

_"Water will be fine," she said, pushing the full mugs toward him. She waved to Merrill and Isabella as they passed by their table, dancing and singing. Well, Isabella was dancing and singing, and Merrill was falling over but she was learning. She didn't really have much of a choice but to follow Isabella's lead, but it seemed she was enjoying herself all the same._

_He turned back to Hawke. As much as he had to admit that he was ecstatic to see her outside of her home with a smile on her face, there was something off about her. Her aura had changed, and there was a shift in her energy. Since he had merged with Justice, his own powers had evolved and Justice's presence enhanced his abilities. He could sense people and their auras much like a Grey Warden could sense Darkspawn._

_"Is there something the matter?" he asked. Now that they were away from the crowds, he could easily tell that she was hiding something. Her demeanor was different, and the light that normally surrounded her had doubled in intensity._

_She looked down and clasped her hands over her midsection. "I'm not sure, but I wanted to talk to you about something."_

_Anders looked at her hands then to the untouched mugs of ale. Recognition hit him, and he did his best not to cause a scene. Instead, he slid his hands under hers, pressing his palms firmly against her stomach. He sensed it. There was another energy that mixed with Hawke's. It was almost insignificant, but it was there and he had no doubt that the aura would shine brightly when it was introduced to the world._

_Hawke's hands were trembling over his and when he looked up to see her face, he saw nervous tears running down her cheeks. "Am I…"_

_"Yes," he answered in a whisper. He could feel knots in his throat and stomach. Anders felt many things in that moment. Jealousy was probably the strongest emotion of all. "You're a mother."_

_She clasped her hands over her mouth and she closed her eyes, releasing even more tears. He was surprised when she let out a nervous laugh and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry to put this on you," she sniffed. She pulled away and wiped away her tears. "I've been in a fit for the last couple of days, and I had no idea where I could go to seek guidance."_

_"Does he know?" Anders asked, keeping his tone as even as possible. It was hard to determine whether Hawke was happy to be carrying Fenris' child, and he wasn't even sure how he felt about it himself._

_"No, I haven't heard from him," Hawke said sadly. "I don't know where he is, but that won't keep me from having this child." She lovingly caressed her stomach and sniffed again. "Fenris may not love me, but that won't keep me from loving our child."_

_Anders didn't know how to respond, but it was becoming more difficult to bury his feelings. But perhaps this was his chance to become a bigger part of her life. "If you'll allow me, I will help care for him… or her," he offered._

_Hawke blinked in surprise then shook her head. "No, Anders. This is not your responsibility," she said. "I will not leech off of others. But there is one thing I will ask of you."_

_"Anything," he said._

_She gave him a beautiful smile. "May I visit your clinic tomorrow? I would like to discuss various ways that I can keep my child healthy."_

_He knew that she wouldn't take him up on his offer so early, but maybe with time, she'll come to love him. Fenris was gone and Hawke was left to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. But she didn't have to do it alone. Anders nodded, "feel free to stop by anytime."_

_XXXXXXXX_

_Anders added the last ingredient to the potion and smiled in satisfaction when it turned a pale blue color. "Perfect," he said. He could feel Hawke's curious eyes on him and he couldn't help but admit to himself how cute she was, sitting on the edge of her chair completely restless. He turned to her and showed her the crystal glass that held the simple potion he had mixed for her. "This should help with your odd cravings, and it should also help you calm your nerves. I've seen this kind of behavior before in first time mothers. Such anxiety."_

_Hawke stood to her feet and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Anders," she said. "Maker, I have no idea what I would do without you! You've been such a great help to me the last week," she said beginning to sob. "I can never repay you."_

_Anders held her close. Her hair smelled of rosemary and he noted how smooth her skin was when he rested his chin on her bare shoulder. She had accepted his advice when he suggested that she not wear heavy armor until the child was born. And he even received a bonus because when she had visited him, she was wearing simple yet elegant gowns that fit her still sensually curved body. Every day he saw, she became more and more beautiful, and the aura around her only made glow even more. "I require nothing from you. You saved my life, you know? This is the least that I could do for you."_

_Her body started to tremble and she sobbed quietly. "Anders…" she sniffed. "Tell me that I'm strong. Tell me I'll be all right."_

_Anders pulled away just enough so that he could stare into her eyes. "You'll be more than all right, Hawke," he said. He wiped away her tears. "I'll be here for you." He leaned in to kiss her, but as soon as his lips touched hers, he heard a crash by the door._

_"What was that?" Hawke asked in surprise._

_"Stay here," Anders said, grabbing his staff and making his way for the door. He opened it roughly, but he saw no one around. "Hmmm, maybe it was the cat that I've been leaving milk out for." He returned to Hawke, but she kept her distance from him. It saddened him that she clearly did not feel the same way he did._

_"I can't Anders," Hawke said, hugging herself. "If I were to be with you, you deserve to have me wholly, and I cannot give you that. My heart is still with Fenris, and that wouldn't be fair to you."_

_Anders took the risk and it didn't work in his favor. At the very least he was given a genuine answer from her and as much as the truth hurt, he was grateful that he received at least that much. "And my heart is with you," he said to her. "But, I will respect your decision. In truth… I'm not sure how much of myself I can give to you considering that Justice is a part of me, but I would never lie to you or abandon you." He shrugged his shoulders and plastered on an awkward smile. "But I don't want you to ever feel that you are never wanted or cherished. If that bastard doesn't come back, I'll steal you away. I am, after all, that charming," he was only half joking._

_Hawke smiled. "Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate that."_

_He opened his arms once more, knowing that it will be the last intimate hug they would share. She accepted his offer and this time she was much more relaxed. "I promise you, Hawke. Everything will be fine for you and the little one. I'll see to it."_

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_Ander frowned, almost becoming dizzy as his eyes followed Hawke. She was walking around in circles in the courtyard of the Amell Estate. "If you continue to stress yourself out, your child will make you highly uncomfortable."_

_"But I can't sit still!" Hawke said anxiously. "I can't believe he's here. I mean, I had hoped, but I never prepared myself for when I would next see him." Sparrow was lying close to Hawke and his ears perked up when her voice was raised. "Sorry, boy… just too nervous." The Mabari whined a bit, but then he rested his head on the cool ground once more. It was amazing that the Mabari immediately attached himself to Hawke when he too sensed the growing child in her belly. The hound grew overly protective of Hawke, growling at any stranger that came near her._

_"You knew he was coming back eventually," Anders said. His arms were crossed against his chest and he was leaning against the stone wall next to the entrance of the courtyard. "I know that magic runs in your family and Fenris, regardless of how much he hates magic, is tied to it because of his markings at the very least. It's not uncommon that you two may have bonded in such a way."_

_"I never considered that," Hawke said, suddenly stopping. Her light lavender dress rustled quietly as a soft breeze blew through the courtyard. "I assumed my feelings were of desperation."_

_Anders shrugged and used his foot to help push his body away from the wall. It was now his turn to pace. In his studies, he had read that the bonds of magic between lovers and family were different in that lovers could only sense certain things only during the duration of the relationship. He had not heard of the bond lasting longer than a few days when there was an immediate separation between the lovers. "It could be your child or it could be the lyrium that is infused into his body. Regardless, have you thought about how you are going to tell him?"_

_"Well, I've never held back in our conversations before," Hawke said thoughtfully. "He just lost his sister, so I'm wondering how he'll react. I should give him more time to think before I visit him." She absentmindedly rubbed her belly again. "What will he think of him or her?"_

_"Her," Anders said._

_Hawke whirled around and her eyes went wide. "A girl?"_

_Anders couldn't keep himself from smiling. It was amazing how innocent Hawke was. She had killed dozens of Darkspawn, downed an Orgre, and taken on the crime of Kirkwall, but when it came to motherhood, she was a complete mess and every little new experience shocked her to no end. "Yes. When you stopped by the clinic yesterday for those herbs, and wanted me to check on the little one, I could feel her presence. Her aura is strong enough for me to sense that she is indeed a female spitfire just like her mother."_

_"You should have told me!" Hawke said laughing. She looked down at her stomach and whispered to her daughter. "You're going to be like me, eh? Maker, mother will have a fit."_

_"I wanted to wait until I could give you this," Anders said, handing her a small pouch._

_Hawke reluctantly accepted the gift. "Anders, you've already done so much…" she opened the pouch and out fell a tiny silver bracelet. It was engraved with Dalish markings and the circular band was connected by one single tiny ruby. "It's beautiful Anders."_

_"It'll protect her," he said, happy that Hawke approved of the present. "She'll still go hungry if you don't feed her, and she'll cry up a storm if you ignore her, but the bracelet will keep her from becoming ill."_

_Hawke leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Thank you," she repeated over and over again. "I can't wait to give it to her." She lightly pressed the bracelet to her stomach. "Your first present, little one."_

_Sparrow jumped up and trotted over to Hawke. He obediently sat down next to her and he barked happily. "Yes, you'll have to chase away more boys when the time comes," Hawke laughed._

_Anders knew the Mabari would be busy, especially if the child acquired her mother's natural beauty._

_XXXXXXXXX_

_"Hawke!" Anders yelled. He saw a Qunari preparing to throw a spear at her, and he let loose a ball of fire and threw it at the warrior. Hawke and Aveline and the remaining guards were fleeing the Qunari compound. When she was next to him, he grabbed her hand and followed Aveline. "Simple escort, Andraste's ass! I knew that bitch born pirate was going to be the end of us!" Anders cursed, keeping a look out for more Qunari._

_Aveline was just as irritated as he was. She made sure that the surviving guards were behind her as they ran deeper into Lowtown. When they were able to catch their breaths, Aveline searched the streets. "It looks like they are heading for the Keep. The Viscount is in danger, Hawke."_

_"Then we go to save him," Hawke stated._

_"You go home," Anders ordered. "I will not accept that you will just jump into the middle of war between city and Qunari when you are not even of Kirkwall."_

_"You saw what they are capable of, Anders," Hawke countered. "What's to stop them from taking over the entire city? They don't care for the citizens here, and that includes my family."_

_"I'd rather that you and your family flee before that happens. Don't endanger yourself," he implored._

_But no matter what he said, Hawke already made her decision. For the sake of her family, mother, sister and daughter, she fought her way to Viscount's Keep. Varric joined them a short time later after helping save the Hanged Man from certain ruin from several Qunari. The addition of Varric's skill made Anders feels slightly more at ease. Slightly. He had a horrible feeling that something was going to go very wrong._

_When they reached the Keep, they met with Orsino and Meredith. After more pointless arguments, and Hawke intervening with their diatribes, they finally decided to work together with Hawke in the lead. Orisno suggested that he and his mages could create a diversion to distract the Qunari that were blocking the only way inside the Keep._

_Anders kept watch as Hawke was briefly reunited with her sister, Bethany. "I'm glad to see that you're well," Hawke said after hugging her sister._

_Bethany's smile disappeared for a moment. "Hawke…" she whispered, glancing toward Hawke's abdomen._

_"I'll be careful," Hawke assured. "You know me better than anyone," Hawke said cupping her sister's cheek. "I'm not going to run away when the ones I love most are in danger."_

_"Please be careful, sister. I will be praying for your safety," Bethany said. She lightly touched Hawke's stomach and gave one last look to her sister before she ran to join Orsino and the other mages._

_When the Qunari were baited, Hawke and the others made their way to the entrance of the Keep. Anders made one more attempt to stop her._

_"Stop endangering yourself," he pleaded. "Please, Hawke… each decision you make…"_

_"If I don't try to stop this, our future is destroyed. You know as well as I that they must be stopped. I'm fighting for a future free of turmoil and fear. Whether that involves mages, templars or Qunari, I have to protect her. I'm fighting for our future. There is no other way."_

_"But she-" Anders choked out._

_Aveline pushed against the heavy doors of the Keep. "Bethany will be safe so long as we can stop the Arishok. Hawke, we need to move forward. I can hear the nobles screaming for their lives in there."_

_Anders wanted to scream that the she they were discussing was neither Hawke's mother or sister. But he promised Hawke that he wouldn't say anything, and he hoped that he would not regret holding his tongue._

_XXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Anders coughed and gasped when his lungs begged him for more air. The last of his power entered Hawke's body and he collapsed, barely able to use the edge of her bed to keep himself from falling down completely. He had nearly drained himself of all of his energy to help her, but it was hardly a noteworthy sacrifice considering what Hawke had given up to save them. Her face and lips were still bruised, but the gash on her cheek was healed and wouldn't leave a scar._

_Her body was another matter. It sickened him greatly when he had to work quickly but delicately to detach parts of her armor from her body. The beating it received from the Arishok caused many indentations and there were several areas that had been pierced through completely. The jagged edges of the armor tore into Hawke's body. But none were so heartbreaking as the wounds he found on her torso. He spent nearly two or three hours healing broken bones and skin, but the biggest wound Hawke received was something he could not repair._

_"Anders…" came her weak voice._

_It was amazing she was even conscious. He admired her stength. Anders hushed her, rubbing his thumb across her brow. "You need to sleep."_

_She strained to lift her hand, but she managed to place it on her stomach. "I can't feel her energy anymore…" she said with trembling lips. "Is she…"_

_"I'm so sorry, Hawke," Anders said with grief. He had never seen anything so sad and disheartening in his life. Just two days ago, Hawke was giddy with glee, coming up with names for her child. She had even gone shopping in the plaza to pick out materials to transform into various clothing for her daughter._

_"I knew," Hawke started as the tears rolled down her face and neck, "I felt her leave me." She lifted her hand much like she had when the Arishok towered over her. "It was her…"_

_Anders grabbed her hand and bought her fingers to his lips. "I had my suspicions," he said softly. "The magic that runs in your blood mixed with the magic from Fenris' family possibly conceived a powerful mage."_

_"Fenris' family?" Hawke asked. She was too weak to turn her head and look at him and her voice began to crack._

_"Yes," Anders nodded. "When we met his sister, I could feel magic around her, pouring from her. It seems she is a mage and though Fenris does not possess those abilities, it is entirely possible that his children could be magic born. More so, if he had children with you."_

_"I see," Hawke cried, gripping his hand tightly. "So that light. Was that her?"_

_"I will not pretend to understand the bond between mother and child. But I believe she used all her power to save you," he said._

_Anders felt his heart break even more when Hawke cried herself to sleep. At first, she was hysterical, and all he could do was hold her and wait for her to pass out from exhaustion. When he was satisfied that she was comfortable, he left her room and proceeded downstairs to speak to Fenris._


	13. Anu'le

**Have I told you lately how awesome you guys are? No? Well, reader, yes you, you're awesome.**

Orana lightly plucked the strings of her lute, humming a slow, soft melody. She sat next to Hawke's bed playing her favorite Tevinter ballad. It had a soothing effect on the people who cared to listen to the music even though the song was one of tragedy. Orana kept her eyes closed letting her fingers glide over the thin strings that guided by her memory. She couldn't cook as well as her father or clean as flawlessly as her mother, but none could deny her musical gift. And she played for her mistress, offering the only comfort she knew.

When Hawke had been rushed into the bedroom, Orana squealed in surprise. She had been straightening Lady's Hawke's bedclothes. Anders had asked that everyone leave the room, and Orana obeyed without a second thought. Fenris carefully laid Hawke on the bed and he cursed to himself. She caught a glimpse of her savior for a moment and she couldn't conceal her shock. Her mistress had been beaten and she was bleeding horribly. Orana had seen her father that way once, and images haunted her. She was ushered out of the bedroom without another word and was left in the open den to let her imagination wander.

Later, she heard Anders and Fenris arguing downstairs. She heard shouting and spells being cast and it brought back dreadful memories. Orana clasped her hands over her ears trying her best to drown out the harsh voices. She hated fighting, and she wanted to be away from it. She managed to sneak back into Hawke's room and her eyes filled with tears when she saw her mistress' wrapped in cloth. How could anyone hurt her mistress this way? Hawke was so full of love and compassion and she brought hope to those who had forgotten how to live.

"Mistress…" Orana whispered. She didn't dare touch Hawke for fear that the lightest caress would bring her pain. So instead, Orana decided to play for her. She grabbed her lute and sat on the floor near the fireplace. She plucked at one string and looked to see if Hawke had stirred. There was no movement other than the rise and fall of Hawke's chest. Orana continued and played several chords before she started humming along with the melody. The music took over as it always had and she began to sing.

_O mighty hero, do not stray_

_Follow your heart, it knows the way_

_Stay your path though dark and cold_

_Be true Anu'le as your story unfolds_

_Surrounded yet alone_

_Wherever you roam_

_Eyes open yet blind_

_Anu'le…_

_free your mind_

_Oh, Anu'le, why do you cry_

_You search far and wide_

_But your treasure_

_Has never left your side._

She held the last note for two bars before she lifted her fingers from the lute finishing the song. Silently, she stood to her feet and headed for the door. She saw Fenris standing there.

"You changed the words," he said quietly to her.

Orana nodded. She knew Fenris had heard her playing. "I was born a slave. Every human I knew was cruel and cold," Orana said looking to Hawke. "But meeting her, I never knew a human was capable of such love. Lady Hawke's hero is much like the hero in my song, yes?" was all she said before she walked out of the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

Fenris stared at the closed door, contemplating the song he had just heard. How foolish he was. Hawke's new servant was certainly more than what she appeared, or perhaps it was Hawke's influence that gave the girl strength to speak her mind. He turned and looked upon Hawke's sleeping form. With each step he took, he felt his chest tighten and he couldn't hold back a choked sob when he looked upon her face. He knelt by the bed, taking off the guards around his hands and fingers. He ran his fingers through her hair, careful not to touch her face.

He cursed and blamed himself for being the sole reason of her pain. He was nothing but a coward, a weakling that failed the woman who had stolen his heart. "Forgive me…" he said to her, resting his head on her bed. "Forgive me, Hawke." He put his hand over hers which was draped across her stomach. "And may our child forgive me."

"Lita," came Hawke's raspy voice.

Fenris' head snapped up and he saw that Hawke's eyes were now open. Her face was turned toward him and he felt her fingers close over his. "I thought we could name her Lita. She is a part of you, past and all."

"Hawke," Fenris breathed. "Lita… had I known, I would have never let- I am a fool. I deserve any and every punishment that comes my way. I don't deserve you, Hawke. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"Fenris…" Hawke hushed him.

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

He didn't know how it was possible, but he saw forgiveness in her eyes. Her cheek was bruised and swollen and her lips were cut, but he never found her more beautiful. Slowly, he stood and sat next to her on the bed. With his help, she moved to lay her head on his lap. To feel her so close again was a dream that had come true. Every night since he had left her, he imagined holding her close, breathing in her scent, feeling her hair against his skin. He finally learned that losing Hawke was far more painful that losing his memories.

"Don't leave me," Hawke whispered, holding him as tightly as her battered body would allow.

"I won't," Fenris promised. "Whatever you want, it is yours."

"Just you," she said. He played with her hair for some time unsure of what else he could say. Hawke broke the silence with a whimper. "I wish I knew if she had your eyes."

Fenris closed his eyes and imagined what his daughter would have looked like. He saw a little girl dancing in the rain and jumping in puddles. Hawke ran up to her, laughing while she gathered their daughter up in her arms. Lita had dark hair just like Hawke, but she had piercing green eyes just like him. Hawke tucked Lita's hair behind her pointy ears and he could see his daughter's radiating smile. It melted his heart.

"I imagine…" he started, opening his eyes, "that she does."

"Hmmm," Hawke sighed. "And your ears."

"Your smile."

"Your strength."

"Your heart."

"What does Ah-nu-ley mean?" Hawke asked.

Fenris pondered the significance of Orana's version of the Tevinter ballad of a hero that journeyed on a quest to find a mighty dragon that had killed his family. In the end, both the hero and the dragon met their fates in glorious battle and their story became legend. Orana, however, changed the lyrics to reflect Fenris' life. "It is a name given to one who wanders," Fenris contemplated.

Hawke nuzzled her face into his arm. "Does this wanderer find what he is searching for?"

"Yes, he does," Fenris said. "And he swears that he will never let go of his treasure ever again." He leaned down and gently kissed her. They spent the rest of the night mostly in silence, mourning the loss of a child they never saw, touched or heard. But she was loved all the same. Fenris knew he could never fully heal the scar that permanently marked Hawke's heart, but with the time he had left of his life, he would damn sure try.

**Anu'le is just a word I made up. If it has any similarities to any other word in whatever language, it was purely coincidental and has no affiliation with said word. I just thought it was pretty. **


	14. Withdrawal

**Sorry, it's been a while guys. But I realized that I updated quite a bit last week, so I wanted to give other writers some spotlight on the front page. I have a couple more pleasant surprises coming up, so let's get started, shall we? Thanks for reading.**

They stared at each other for a long while before Fenris finally decided to step aside and let Anders enter the estate. Neither so much as muttered a simple greeting. Anders made his way to the writing desk that held all of her letters and written requests from the city. There were many that had "Champion" scribbled on the top followed by paragraphs of praise and thanks. "How is she doing?" Anders asked, still keeping his back to Fenris. He placed the sack he had been carrying on the desk, careful not to disturb any of the letters.

"Better," Fenris answered. "She's able to stand on her own now."

"Glad to hear that," said Anders, pulling out several flasks and pouches from the sack.

"Mix this with her tea." He held up a green pouch for Fenris to see. "Half a spoonful should be sufficient. And this," he set down the green pouch and grabbed a black one, "should be mixed with her baths. It will help keep the swelling down and will help relax her muscles."

Fenris didn't say thank you or offer any gesture indicating that he was grateful. He merely grunted. Anders assumed the elf was too prideful and that was fine with him. Since their last encounter, both had tried to exchange as few words as possible with each other. Leandra had kicked them out of her home the day before when they continued to fight. The older woman scolded them for acting like children and she fretted over broken vases and her charred stairwell.

When Anders had told Fenris about the fate of his unborn child, Fenris went wild. He broke out of Anders' binding spell and every inch inside of the Amell Estate was lit blue. It wasn't a secret that Anders didn't care for the elf, but even he knew that Fenris was not himself. It took everyone's effort to subdue Fenris and get him to calm down.

Aveline acted first followed by Varric and Merrill. For a moment, Hawke's residence was a battlefield. When they finally managed to pin him, Fenris stopped fighting. Anders saw the hurt in Fenris' eyes and he decided not to provoke him further.

Aveline slowly took her hands off of Fenris' arm and shoulder and Merrill had lifted the freezing spell she inflicted on his body. "Have you lost your mind?" Aveline snapped at Fenris. "This is Hawke's home."

"I- I don't know what came over me," Fenris gasped, pushing himself up from the floor. He rubbed his temples and winced. "That has never happened to me before."

"I am surprised to hear that," Merrill said.

Fenris gave her a bewildered look. "What do you mean?"

"It's the lyrium," Anders added. "They are both a curse and a blessing to you. Much like how a mage and his abilities are."

Fenris spat out some words in a foreign tongue and he ducked his head in shame. "My apologies," he said.

It was then that Leandra marched downstairs and threw the lot of them out. The poor woman was completely distraught and so overcome with worry that none of them said anything when she kept shouting for them to leave.

It was only at Hawke's request that Leandra allowed any of them to return the following day. Though Lady Amell did not stop Fenris from breaking back into Hawke's room that very night to stay by her side.

Anders visited frequently, but he never spoke to Hawke. He only stopped by to drop off medicinal herbs and potions to help speed up her recovery then he would be on his way. Today was no different it seemed. The mage headed back for the door once he had emptied his sack of all its supplies.

"Wait," Fenris asked and Anders stopped. He did not know what compelled him to keep the mage from leaving, but there were words that needed to be said. "Abomination or not, there is no denying that you saved Hawke's life."

"I suppose that is the most appreciation I will ever hear from you," Anders said, still with his back to Fenris.

"I suppose it is," Fenris agreed. He had once said that he believed there were no doubt good mages in the world, but he never took the admission to heart. He only said that because Hawke was concerned about his aversion to mages, and she was openly being protective of her sister when they first met. He had no intention of harming the people who had helped him, and it was at that moment that Hawke had begun to sneak her way into his heart.

"I will come back tomorrow to see how she is doing," Anders said, and then he was gone.

XXXXXXXXX

The months came and went, and there wasn't a soul in Kirkwall that didn't know about Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall. Everywhere they went, she was addressed with the utmost respect and she was adorned with gifts and other tokens of appreciation. Fenris stayed loyal to her and was by her side whenever she needed him. Isabella had surprised everyone, visiting Hawke every day and staying at the estate for several hours before she disappeared again.

All of them assumed that the pirate would disappear and they would never see her again. But each day at noon, she came back and stayed by Hawke's side loyally. When Hawke fully recovered, she requested that Isabella stay in Kirkwall to help rebuild it, to make up for what happened with the Qunari. Isabella agreed so long as Aveline would be at least a hundred feet from her. Fenris found that he did not have to keep a watchful eye on the pirate. Isabella was genuinely fond of Hawke, and she like Fenris, found her first true friend in Hawke.

During the day, Hawke played the role of the mercenary, accepting nearly every request made by the citizens of Kirkwall. She led them on many adventures. It didn't matter if she was rescuing children that were to be sold into slavery or if she was returning stolen goods to a lowly merchant who was trying to make a living selling trinkets and charms. Everyone that demanded her attention received it.

At night, Fenris held her, speaking to her in the Tevinter language. He told her how beautiful and strong she was, and he told her how precious she was to him, but he could never tell her in a language she understood. He had trained himself to keep up many guards, never trusting anyone but himself. But slowly, Hawke had taken down his guards one at a time. The final guard protected his heart, the core of his being. He would do anything for Hawke; all she had to do was ask.

For the last three months, the light of his life shared her bed with him and though she had recovered physically, he could see that she was driving herself to a breaking point. She did everything possible to keep herself busy, never allowing herself to mend emotionally. Fenris was at a loss. He knew how to kill and how to craft a fine blade, but when it came to matters of the heart, he did not know where to turn.

All he could do was offer her the support of his embrace and the warmth of his touch. But he feared that she was slipping away from him, that she was withdrawing into herself and he couldn't stop it.

"You look worried," Hawke gently said to him, brushing her fingers across his cheek. She moved closer to him, pulling the blankets over their bodies. "What's on your mind?"

"You," he said, drawing her closer. He loved the way she felt against his body, loved being close to her. And he felt honored that it was only with him that she was so intimate with. "You fought well today. I doubt those bandit will be back."

She smiled and rested her head under his chin. "Well, the bastards will think twice before they try to steal from those merchants."

"As they should," Fenris kissed her forehead. "Hawke… am I… doing everything right?"

Her body stiffened and she looked up at him with surprised eyes. "Doing everything right? Fenris, I couldn't be happier. Why are you asking such a thing?" She pulled away only slightly so that she could look into his eyes.

"I feel that I am… inadequate," he admitted. "I know you still think of Lita, and I do as well, but I feel that you place too much blame on yourself when you should not."

She averted her eyes and he knew that he was right. He didn't want her to respond. Any answer she would have given him would never express how she truly felt, and he didn't want to force anything out of her. He leaned in and kissed her. "I just want you to know that I'm here. Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me."

She blinked back tears and smiled, drawing him into another kiss. "Thank you," she said against his mouth. Hawke deepened the kiss and slowly climbed over him. Her fingers traced his lyrium markings and his body shuddered at her touch. Every day, he experienced something new with her and his hunger for her only continued to grow. He lifted his hand to touch her face, but she pinned him down. In an instant, his mind had shut down, and all he knew was the pleasure that Hawke sent coursing through his body.


	15. Mend

**I greatly apologize for being out of the loop for the longest time. We were hit with huge financial hardships and we are struggling to make ends meet, but we are surviving as best as we can. Here is a small chapter for you hungry readers. I promise the next one will feature more Fenris 3 **

Anders did his best to keep his distance from Hawke as the months went by, slowly retreating back to his clinic and denying Hawke's requests of joining her party whenever she was to set out on another adventure. All he could do was stare at Hawke's back every time she left his clinic without him. They both knew that it was for the best. Hawke had Fenris, and Anders had his clinic and his supposed revolution. He would always carry a special love for Hawke, but he knew that he had a greater loyalty and that wouldn't be fair to Hawke.

He now spent many of his evenings at the Hanged Man. There was no spell or potion that could heal a lonely heart, but he wondered now if he was upset that he lost Hawke as a lover or as a friend. It had been some time since he had met anyone who was sympathetic to his cause. He had always run into such ignorance and closed mindedness that he believed he was truly alone in the world.

There were people like Lirene who did what they could to protect him, but it would not be surprising if Lirene would turn on him if she were to be threatened by Meredith and her heartless templars. Lirene was a kind woman, but he could not rely on someone like her to support his revolution. Hawke was an entirely different type of ally. She was wiling to risk her life to fight for something she believed in. But Anders knew that her heart would accept every person being bullied by injustice, mage or not. He had to let Hawke go and walk his path alone. He raised his hand, ordering another drink.

Anders felt the alcohol running through his body. His cheeks were more than likely flushed, but he never drank more than he could handle. All he wanted was to remember. His dreams were haunted by Darkspawn and Archdemons and every waking moment was spent on his clinic and running from the templars. It was only when he was in the Hanged Man that he was able to think about his childhood and his past. It infuriated him that he was never given a chance to be "normal".

The Circle was only a prison, and he refused to be caged. He had thought many times that he was going to be made Tranquil when they caught him and brought him back. And each time he was accused of murder or becoming a blood mage or some outlandish story that was made up by a scared and ignorant fool. For many years, he didn't use his magic at all, and he felt a piece of him die. It was a part of himself that could not be ignored, but any time he helped someone, they turned on him because they didn't understand.

He finished the last of his drink and stared at the now empty mug. There were only a handful of people that had any degree of faith in him. One person in particular he remembered somewhat fondly encouraged him to continue using his magic for good. But that was the past. However, it was because of her that he considered opening a clinic in Kirkwall. He rubbed his fingers over the rim of his mug lost in thought.

Another mug was set beside him, and he saw slender fingers pushing the drink toward him. He looked up and it took a great deal of will not to jump to his feet. He had never thought he would see her again. His whole body stiffened as panic started to creep into his nerves. His staff was within arm's reach, but a large part of him did not want to bring harm to the woman before him. He only wanted to escape as he had always done in the past. He stared into those lovely violet eyes of hers, doing his best to remain calm.

There were many times when he had gazed into those eyes and he remembered that they glared back at him more than once, but they were never filled with hate. They had argued countless times, but there was a mutual respect between them that the arguments never escalated into a level that would damage their relationship. He was not even sure if they were friends, but he could not deny that she risked her own life to save him as he did for her.

"You look like you could use a few more rounds," she said with amusement taking a swig of her own mug and taking a seat across from him as though there was no doubt he had invited her to his table.

"I place blame on the bias that's leeched its way into every fool in this city," Anders said lowly. Unfortunately, both of his hands were on the table completely in her view. He couldn't arm himself without alerting her.

"For someone who's on the run, you sure do like to bring attention to yourself," she said with a smile. "You could at least pretend that you are enjoying yourself." She leaned in far enough to where the tips of her long black hair brushed the table. "You look like you're prepared for me to drive a dagger through your heart. Relax, I'm not here for you."

If there was thing that was true of this woman's personality, it was that she never lied. He could feel the tension release from his shoulders. "Then why?" he asked with a sigh. If it wasn't Meredith and her templars hounding him, it was the bloody Circle or his past.

She leaned back slightly to place her elbows on the table. "That I cannot tell you though I wish it was in my power to do so." She grew quiet and this time her eyes were filled with hurt and betrayal. Anders felt a sudden pang of guilt in his stomach. "You never said goodbye."

He turned his head. "I… thought it was wise not to." For the moment, it appeared that she accepted his answer. He had never seen her this vulnerable. There was a time in his life that he toyed with the idea of pursuing her, but it was a fantasy that would have met an ugly end. He knew he would always be alone, and he couldn't bestow that lifestyle upon someone he cared for. "I wanted to…" he added. "But no one is safe around me. You know this."

"I'm quite capable of taking care of myself," she countered. "You know this."

A small laugh escaped his lips. "I do." She and Hawke were very much alike, both strong willed and stubborn, and he was reminded this very instant that the woman before him still held a power over him. Perhaps, that was why he gravitated toward Hawke. She reminded him of the woman sitting before him. Much like Hawke was able to tame Fenris, this woman was able to calm the hatred in him. He missed that connection with her and wondered how he was able to live without it.

"I never stopped searching for you," she chuckled then sighed, shaking her head. "You've changed."

"What do you mean?" he asked, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious. With the slightest glance this woman could make him feel like a blushing schoolboy.

"Well, you've certainly become more handsome," she said with a wink, making his heart flutter. "But…" her flirtatious smile faded and she slowly reached out and placed her hand on his own, "you seem sadder. Like there is a shadow over your heart. The light that I remember seeing in you is gone." Her eyes were so sad and genuine and it touched his heart.

"Much has happened since we last saw each other," Anders said sadly. He had forgotten her touch. She was one of the few that ever showed him affection without fear. Even when she found out that he was a mage, she welcomed him gladly without a second thought. There was a strong bond between them, but he ran away when the opportunity to explore it further came.

Suddenly, she let go of his hand and stood. She stepped away from the table and gave him a curious and mischievous glance over her shoulder. "Stay with me," she offered with a sly smile.

He stared at her back and watched her walk up the steps that led to the rooms the tavern offered to patrons that had one too many to drink. He looked back to his mug and downed the rest of his drink. Yes, he was a mage that made some foolhardy choices in life and maybe he was an abomination, but he was still a man. He practically jumped to his feet and followed the woman that had temporarily left his memories but had never left his heart.

XXXXXXXXX


	16. Alliance

**Thank you again to everyone who has been favoriting the story. I greatly appreciate it and it encourages me. Things are still shaky, but they are picking up again. Enjoy! **

Fenris pushed Hawke's hands away when he felt another surge of energy course through his body. "No!" he snapped. The moment physical contact was broken with Hawke, he felt normal again, completely free of the magical hold he felt wrapped around his body. He let out a breath and glanced at Hawke, mad at himself for losing control again. "I'm sorry," he said, clasping her hand in his.

She tightened her fingers around his hand and smiled. "Nothing to be sorry about. You're making even more progress. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to control the influence of lyrium."

"Are you sure that mage isn't trying to kill me? I don't feel that this is necessary… all this training," Fenris frowned, trying to keep himself from really stating how he felt about Anders.

"He knows hurting you means hurting me, so I'm quite certain this is safe," Hawke said soothingly. She reached out and wiped the sweat from his brow, and gently kissed his forehead. "I do believe he is right. The more you explore your gift, the more you will come to terms with who you are and who you've become."

"This is no gift," Fenris spat. He didn't direct his anger toward her, at least he never meant to display his feelings that way. But he was barely able to accept the lyrium scars as part of his life. He had spent so many years believing that he didn't want the lyrium infused with his body, but the revelation from his sister shocked him to the core. Even if he did accept the fact that he competed for this power, the reason why he had done so was no longer in his life.

Hawke wrapped her arms around him. "I'm here for you," she whispered. "Your moods can't turn me away," she added, lightly teasing his ear with her lips.

Frustration had melted away, and Fenris gave in to her as he most likely would till the end of his life. He didn't want magic to run his life, but he didn't mind the spell she cast on him. Her touch was all he needed. There were times when he wanted to hold her and cherish her, and there were other times when he was lost in raw passion and just needed to feel her against his body. Perhaps it was the lyrium, but he felt the latter.

He rolled over on top of her and torn at her clothing, not caring where they landed or if they were ripped. Hawke didn't seem to mind either and she accepted his aggression, evenly matching his energy. Fenris was reminded of the very first night he was with Hawke. It was such a heavenly feeling, being near her. He remembered hearing her, feeling her, touching her, and giving in to her affection. This time and every time after, the outcome will be different. He would stay with her always.

"Fenris…" she whispered again, running her hands over his back. Like so many times before, he felt her lips on his ears and moved every so slightly, but there was no sound. But he knew what she mouthed each time, and he groaned in pleasure each time they were joined. "And I, you," he gasped. This time was no different.

He heard someone outside their door and out of the corner of his eye, he saw a letter slipped underneath. Hawke held him tighter, closer and growled, "they can wait."

Fenris smiled and kissed her, admiring her ability to let go every so often. She didn't always have to be the Champion of Kirkwall. Right now, she was just Hawke, and she was reveling in the physical and emotion pleasure he was giving her. "I couldn't agree more," he said, ignoring the letter and continuing to please the woman beneath him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hawke was led into one of many private rooms of the Keep. The letter had urgently requested her presence, and it was signed with a Fereldan seal. Hawke's mind wandered for a while, but she decided to save her energy and just find out who had sent her the mysterious letter. "I will let our guest of honor know of your arrival, Champion," said the male servant. "Thank you for responding to our request so quickly." He gave her a low bow and shut the doors closed, leaving Hawke to wait for her meeting with King Alistair.

However, Hawke realized that she was not alone. Standing with arms crossed over her chest was a woman staring out a window, peering down into the streets of Hightown. "You must be the Champion," said the woman. She turned slightly to observe Hawke. The first thing Hawke noticed as the woman's striking violet eyes. It was a rare characteristic, but not unheard of in Fereldan women.

"Are you an escort for royal family?" Hawke asked, unsure of what to make of the mysterious lady. She didn't feel the need to defend herself, but she was certainly not going to let her guard down.

The woman shook her heard and gave a sad smile. "Not necessarily. You _are_ here to meet the king, however, I am here for my own reasons."

Hawke took a moment to survey the woman. Most of her body was hidden by a cloak that was deep green in color, but it was easy to see armored boots made of dark jet. Hawke assumed that the woman wasn't dressed for combat, but she was no mere peasant either. "You have quite a reputation here, messere," the woman said. "I'm glad to see a fellow Fereldan make a name for herself in a city where our _kind_ are looked down upon."

"You don't seem like a refugee," Hawke said, joining the woman by the window. "You must have some reason to meet with me behind closed doors."

"I've come to sum up your worth," the woman said curtly. She gazed upon Hawke very much like the predator that Hawke's family was named after. "You are a pawn of war," the woman continued. She turned away from the window and approached a map that was pinned up on the wall at the far end of the room. Her fingers glided over the lines and shapes that formed the borders of Fereldan. "Warriors like us will always be needed."

The mention of war caused Hawke some concern and she felt a knot in her belly, instinctively wanting to protect something that no longer existed. "Do you know something we do not? Is there a danger coming to Kirkwall?"

It seemed to take quite a bit of willpower for the woman to tear her eyes away from the map. Hawke could very well understand the feeling of leaving a home behind, knowing that it was becoming corrupted and ravished by monsters and demons. "The danger that threatens your city is already within its walls, Hawke. I am merely your audience," the woman admitted. She was right to assume that Hawke would have treated her like a threat in a moment's notice.

"You speak of Meredith…" Hawke sighed. "She places everyone in a difficult situation, and I am in no position to completely stop her."

"Not yet," the woman said, and that same sad smile graced her lovely face. "My aim today was only to meet with you face to face. We will meet again, Serah Hawke. We are meant to." The woman held out her hand and Hawke accepted the show of comradery. There was a spark of energy that Hawke felt tickle her fingertips. She had a feeling that this woman was going to be a great ally in the future.

"May I have your name, messere?" Hawke asked when the woman pulled away. She reached back and pulled a hood over her brow, almost completely covering her eyes. Hawke saw the woman smile.

"You've perhaps heard of the family name Cousland… but you may call me Elissa, serah Hawke. Until we meet again." With that, the woman left Hawke and disappeared down the hallway.


End file.
